Quantum Placebos

The most entertaining pieces of flim-flam on the Internet are the pseudo-science scams. Especially the ones that use the word “Quantum”.

These people speak the magic words that they’ve heard scientists say, (Words like “Quantum”, “Particle”, or “Frequency”) and they build things from componants they’ve seen scientists use. (Things like crystals, wire, and metal coils.) And when it’s done, they don’t understand how to scientifically test something, so they just trust their instincts, and their instincts tell them that if they put that much work into something, it must work.

Hilariously, it doesn’t work.


Mayan Quantum Energy Pyramid in the USA

 Mayan Quantum Energy Pyramid in the USA  This pyramid will capture the energy that will come down from the galactic center to our planet on December 21, 22, 23, 2012.
These people needed money to build a pyramid to capture quantum energy during the Mayan calender roll-over.

It’s really two pyramids in one. The first is a “particle decelerator” and the other a “energy amplifier”. Of course.

Apparently, they actually built and deployed this pyramid last December, which explains why that world is so much more peaceful and happy now.

Quantum Abundance Generator

 Quantum Abundance Generators  Fine art, sacred geometry, alchemy, & feng shui merge, creating my First Edition, Limited series of 260 Quantum Abundance Generators.
Stripped of all the verbage, this is a good luck charm. It will make you happier, richer, and healthier. Additionally it will reduce crime in your neighborhood, and cause you to make new friends.
I’m not joking, those are all things he claims these spheres will do.

I suppose it’ll also make a nice paperweight.

What are they made of?
quantum_04_QAG
The usual nonsense, but “Monatomic gold” is my favorite. Monatomic gold is a substance used in new-age alchemy that is made by dissolving certain dirt in sulfuric acid and baking the resulting goop at high temperatures.
Interesting Facts about “Monatomic Gold” :

  • It is not monatomic.
  • It contains no gold.
  • It is not a superconductor.

(But of course you can buy little vials of it to use as an old-timey cure-all.)


Ziblee beverage pleasure enhancer

 Ziblee beverage pleasure enhancer  Briefly stir your favorite adult beverage with the Ziblee and be amazed at the improvement in flavor and smoothness.
quantum_02_Ziblee It’s a tiny whisk, about the right size to make a robin’s egg omelet, with a quartz crystal inside the wire part. Apparently, they’ve “installed certain frequencies” into the crystal, even though that’s not really a thing you can do.

“So really, this is like quantum physics for the wine drinker. What this does is it impacts the beverage on the molecular level.”

If this were true, it’d be very dangerous. Luckily, it is not true.

On the other hand, I really do like the stand.

  • KickFailure

    Actually, there was a popular belief that mysterious energy from the galactic core would be somehow lensed by the sun on that day. That’s what they meant there.

    It _IS_ true that the Earth, sun, and galactic core are roughly in a straight line on the solstice, but that happens every year, and this year was not a particularly “perfect” alignment compared to years past.

    So yea, It’s still nonsense.

  • Random dude

    You know, I think I can see how the Ziblee Beverage Pleasure Enhancer could be pleasurable, for women only of course

    • KickFailure

      I don’t know. It looks kind of … pinchy.