Embrace the Future of Parcels!


Very high-tech blue-print we’ve got going on here.

My team and I are self-identified futurists with specific ideas about mail delivery from the USPS® 5, 10, and 20 years from now. We believe the accessibility of alphaBAND™ has the potential to transform how we send and receive mail.

Hang on folks, this one’s a tricky one.

How it Works!

Imagine you wanted to send an present to your friend.

You could just mail it to them at the post office, but that’s old fashioned. We’ve got Web2.0 now!

So how should I send it?
You should use a 3d scanner to digitize it. Then your friend could get a 3d-print of the item.

Would that work?
Sure, if you only send things made of 100% plastic!

So I email my friends the 3d file?
Don’t be so old fashioned! Email was invented in the 1970s! You want something more hi-tech!

Oh. Then how do I send it?
Through the post office!

But, wasn’t that invented back in-

…ok. So do I give the post office my friend’s address, or my friend’s email address?
Neither! You give the them your friend’s biometric signature.

Bio-whatsit signature?
Biometric Signature! It’s your friend’s permanent serial-number based on his DNA!

How would that help the postman find my friend?
Easy! Your friend would wear a bracelet that transmits his biometric serial number and his exact location directly to the government, 24 hours a day!
That way the postman will have no problem at all!

… I don’t think I like the future anymore.

  • Jamoche

    Here is a person who apparently has never encountered the belief that any sort of personal tracking system is a fiendish plot to tag everyone with the “Mark of the Beast”.

  • Patrick Elliott

    Not to mention the idea that it might be bad for the government to track you, or watched any movies about them doing so, or TV shows, or… Seriously…

  • MadameMidlifeCrisis

    Jeezily fargin Crow on a crosstown bus; this is hilarious! I hate to inform folks that if you have a cellphone, EZ-Pass, an Xbox 1 & various other assorted electronic devices; you’re being tracked & can be “spied upon” but none go as far & as intrusive as this “band.” I’m sure it could also be used for less nefarious things such as medical monitoring but yea; NO! I’m in no rush to have Big Bro all up in my hizzy or blood sugar just yet.