Cube the Roll!

 A tissue box that can be used both on the bathroom roller and on any flat surface. Custom designed. This item has a patent.

I’m glad to hear that this item has a patent! I was really worried! I can’t tell you how many Kickstarter projects I don’t back because I can’t tell whether or not they have a patent!

But what the heck is it?

Judging from the one and only photograph (no video) it looks like it’s a tissue box with two holes punched in it. … And then placed on a toilet paper dispenser? For some reason?


Having a large family we were faced with extreme challenges to keep our bathrooms sanitized and germ free at all times. Most tissues rolls seem to fall to the floor where liquid waste is erroneously dispersed by male toddlers, adolescent’s or even those adults that just can’t get the aim right! Some rolls were dropped in the toilet by one of my many grandchildren and even sometimes chewed up by our family pet. I wanted a remedy.

That’s … not a real problem! That is not a real problem that people have!

I mean, just to spell it out for the people who have never changed a roll of toilet paper, the roll can’t “fall off” the dispenser! There’s a rod going through it. This is not some sort of conjurer’s linking rings trick being performed in your bathroom by lavatory sorcerers!

Perhaps I’m being too harsh. Maybe her toilet-paper holder is broken, but she doesn’t realize. Maybe her kids, unbeknownst to her, are unhitching the mechanism. Maybe, but who cares? This invention wouldn’t solve either of those problems.


Not only that, It’s expensive. I don’t mean that she’s only giving samples to people (ok, “person”) who pledge $100, or more. I mean that toilet paper costs $1.73 per thousand sheets, and facial tissue costs $16.64 per thousand sheets. I realize that a facial tissue provides a little more, ahem, ‘coverage‘ than a sheet of toilet paper, but not nine and half times more!

Finally, if you choose to invest in this exciting new technology developed by punching two holes into a cardboard box, I hope you’ve got a good plumbing system. Facial tissues aren’t designed to be flushable, and a surprising amount of household plumbing just can’t handle them.

No wonder there’s “liquid waste” on the floor of her bathroom.

  • Chris Wiesner

    I’m pretty sure patents are expensive. Apparently she’s a lawyer though. Maybe she’s got money to flush down the toilet.

    • KickFailure

      Oh look. It’s not even a technical patent, it’s a DESIGN patent.

  • Acg

    Now to be fair I think that is a real problem (I think she’s just describing it very badly); kids playing with the roll and unwinding the whole damn thing…sure it probably wouldn’t happen that often, but it’s a thing.
    This is likely the reason there are actually already a bunch of box or basket style dispensers that you can fit regular toilet rolls into, none of which she seemed to discover whilst doing her “research” into her own product.

  • KickFailure

    Re-reading this post, I think “toilet wizards” would have been a funnier word choice than “lavatory sorcerers”. Damn it.

    • Chris Wiesner

      Shit Shamans



    • KickFailure

      No posts have been deleted or caught in the spam filter.



  • Ellen Fleischer

    I wonder if they got the idea from this item (attached).

    See, on Sabbath, many Orthodox Jews do not tear toilet paper. (Before Sabbath begins, I usually tear a roll into 3–4 square lengths, which go into a basket behind the toilet.) This company came up with the idea of putting toilet paper into a tissue box that is designed to hang from the dispenser rod. So it’s like an upside-down Kleenex box, but stuffed with pre-cut toilet paper. It works, but it retails for more, so I just pre-tear.