Quickies

Fantasy Females


You expect me to pay twenty dollars for digital copies of pin-up sketches of fantasy creatures? Have you not even heard of DeviantArt?

This again?


Last time someone tried this stupid idea, they came here to KickFailure to lie about how many millions of dollars they were making with their stupid idea. I’m really hoping that happens again. I love crazy people.

Dark and Grity


The original Treasure Island is already a bit on the dark side, but check out the dialog in this “dark and gritty” reboot.

Black Dog : “You fucked up Billy, and the captain has a strict attitude regarding what happens with people who fucks up”
‘Captain’ Bill : “So just give me the fucking thing then!!!!”

Ah, what authentic 18th century dialog. Clearly, this was written “for adults”!

(Incidentally, the “fucking thing” that Bill is so impatient to be given is The Black Spot. You know, the death mark that terrified him so completely that he keeled over from a heart attack.)

  • K

    I use a silicone wristband to mark my glass. It was free and seems to do exactly what that product does.

    Profanity adds so much grittiness.

    • KickFailure

      It does, doesn’t it?

      Someone should write an app where I can put in an eBook, and it’ll automatically add the word “fucking” in random places, and then send the new grittier version to my Kindle.

      That fucking way I don’t have to fucking read anything that’s not fucking gritty.

      • vintermann

        Haven’t they read Pillars of the Earth? The First Law? Game of Thrones?

        Grittiness is achieved by describing the smell of a bodily fluid on every other page!

        • KickFailure

          As the intrepid blogger prepared his next post, his nostrils filled with the thick sickly sent of his own sweat as his body itself rebelled against the never-ending torrent of absurd Kickstarter pitches.

        • Apetejander

          Worse than that: a fucking toilet paper roll fallen inside a fucking puddle of a male toddler bodily fluids!

      • Acg

        That’s already a better pitch than any of the apps you’ve posted on here.

    • neeneko

      Well, it is an improvement over the ‘oh no, we need more grittyness… throw in some rapes!’ that writers were overusing not too long ago.

  • Acg

    I was curious as to how that glass marker KS had over 1k in backers and was still just at 1% funded, it’s because they want 80 grand for it.
    80 grand to sell something where the examples look like they’re made of old gum. The basic idea (something to mark glasses so you don’t wash ones you needn’t) isn’t actually that terrible, but for that you’d want something as small and unobtrusive as possible, not a Mr T chain made of Fimo.

    Love the use of all the unrelated drought graphs on the page as well.

  • Behrooz Shahriari

    And all those times I said I was being environmentally friendly by never washing up and asking people to reuse their plates and bowls, they didn’t believe me!