Precious Metals for your Precious Bits


Silver underwear to protect your genitals from Cell-phone radiation.

I’m not going to question the premise. Just for today, let’s pretend that “cell-phone radiation” is every bit as scary as it sounds, and that it hasn’t been proved safe hundreds of times. In fact, let’s pretend that cancer rates have gone up since cell-phones became popular. (they haven’t.) Let’s pretend that these underpants contain enough silver to block a phone signal. And finally, let’s be generous and even pretend that the demonstration in their video isn’t blatantly faked.

Here’s what I want to talk about :

Us menfolk keep our genitals in a dangly sack between our legs. Perhaps the project-creators should have figured out where women keep theirs.

  • Jeff Adamson

    Skipping over the already mentioned points about how radiation works and safety studies:

    1) So if it blocks the signal, why can I still hear them talking for so long. If I throw a phone in a refrigerator, it cuts out immediately.

    2) I think people put phones in their pockets because that is a convenient place, not because they are keeping it away from their head/heart. If I wasn’t concerned would I walk around holding a phone I wasn’t using to my chest and head?

    3) Keeping a phone in an no-signal area is a great way to drain the battery. Why not just put the phone in airline mode (or turn off) if you want to “block” the radios and save battery?

    • KickFailure

      Yeah, that was brilliant logic on their part. They claim that we keep our phones in our pockets to keep them away from our heads.
      Which makes sense. My wallet, keys, and pocket knife don’t have radios in them, so I always just strap them to my forehead.

  • TheNate

    “Pledge $15 or more

    0 backers Limited (250 left of 250)

    A pouch that protects you!

    Made from the same silver fabric as we use for our underwear.

    Seal your cell phone in the pouch and take it out only when needed.”

    That makes so much more sense – put your hazardous cellphone in a pouch and let your genitals wave free! And yet, not a single person bought that option. (Or you can turn your phone off. That would make more sense than keeping it in a pouch designed to stop its signals, unless no one ever believed that pouch would work.)

  • neeneko

    Hrm. One wonders if the true motivation was simply to take pictures of a cute woman in skimpy silvery panties.

  • smek2

    This is hilarious. It took me a second but then the word ‘Uterus’ flashed through my mind. Nice camel toe though.

  • Inukie

    I think the boxers would actually do an adequate job covering the girl’s inside bits. They just didn’t want to sell briefs made out of this material, as there is obviously a high risk of ball slippage.

    • KickFailure

      Yeah, boxers might JUST come up to the height of the ovaries. But human bodies are 3d objects and the organs are pretty well in there, and the majority of microwaves will be coming from above that height (They’re not coming from the ground), so you’d want to think about all those diagonal angles.

      And really, for men or woman, no underwear is going to shield your genitals from microwaves coming straight down. … you know, from a microwave source being held near your head.

  • seahen

    Jewelry for the family jewels?