Video Game Roundup

Last week we looked at crazy board games. This week, let’s see if the gaming in the digital realm can do any better.

X-Wing vs Tie-Fighter 2015

Wow, a new game in LucasArt’s X-Wing franchise? That’s amazing! Why didn’t more people back it?

In case Disney won't allow the licensing for the game demo the project will be completed and distributed anyway for free on the internet!
Oh, because the project isn’t by LucasArts/Disney, it’s by some random dude who wants to “creating an online community of Star Wars fans” to do all the work. (While he keeps the money, I guess?)
He seems to think that if the product is good enough, or if it raises enough money, it’ll just automatically “get the license” and become an official Star Wars game. That is really not how it works.

Imagine you were going to build a themepark, and if you built it “good enough” you’d get to call it “Disney World 2”. LIFE DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!

Insert Cool Name: Everyone’s Game

This really bumpy video taken in a car promises that he’s going to make “everyone’s game”. (He says he’s sorry about the video quality, but apparently he’s not sorry enough to shoot it again.) Apparently, he’s really good at making games, and he’s going to let everybody vote on what the features should be, while he personally makes a AAA quality game.
Well, we don’t get to vote on all the features. He’s chosen a couple already.
Basically, he’s already decided that the game will have two vague features that will push the cost into the millions, and also a gun that shoots cats instead of bullets. Sounds like a solid Kickstarter to me!

Incidentally, this guy didn’t give up. When this failed, he tried to get Kickstarters to pay for a “Documentary” about him making a AAA quality game, which would have to first include the cost of the game.

Update from a commenter :

Legends of Mesenia

With stunning artwork like that, I’m convinced!


Boardgame Round-up

I’ve been looking at board, card, and tabletop games on Kickstarter lately. There are some great ones that I’m looking forward to, but there’s also … well, here are the ones that caught my eye. Make your own judgements.

Alpha Blue

Alpha Blue --  Venger Satanis presents an O5R, weird, gonzo, science-fantasy adventure about a brothel in space. Come relax at Alpha Blue.
Uh, yeah. … Look, I don’t want to sound like a prude, but, I am the customer and all, so I was wondering if maybe we could just have, you know, regular sex? Like, without the spear or the slimeworms?

Small Biz vs Big Government

 For small business owners, surviving the fundamental transformation of America is no game...until now.
This Monopoly rip-off makes no secret about being “Anti-Progressive” propaganda, but I can’t help but feel that the all too familiar caricature on their 500 dollar bill hints at another agenda they’re not willing to admit.
Monopoly Money with old-fashioned caricature .

Pharoahs Game

 I created board game right now called Pharaohs game, short but super fun game. Its a adaption of Pharaohs 9 a video game.
I’ve never heard of “Pharaohs 9”, and neither has Google, so I guess we’ve got to just read the description?
  I am a college student and I love board games. So i made my own, I beta texted the game and fans love it. the plane is to make about 50 beta text versions to I can give them to game stores / sell them to we can make a official copy. None of the table top gaming companies are taking walk in ideas.That's where you guys come in and lend a hand. I love you guys, and if your from ( 9gag )i really love you.
Oh, I see. The description tells us nothing at all. Still, it does make me wonder what he’s studying in college!
  God is my leader in my life. I am going to school to be a paster. I am 21, will be married in July 2014 ! Traveled to Japan, Korea, Mexico, and Canada. Want to live in England or Ireland of day. I love camping and nature hikes. I work at a car dealership at the moment. Being behind the desk is not for me.
I pity any parish desperate enough to hire this man.
(Thanks to @cobyhectic for the tip.)


The Greatest!


Scott Reimann has created “hands down the greatest marijuana live wallpaper on the Android market“. Truely, a remarkable achievement. Many have tried, but only Scott Reimann has achieved true artistic immortality by creating “the greatest” marijuana live wallpaper ever made.

Let’s see some screenshots!


I think it’s an animation of a pipe lighting itself, and then smoking? It’s a little hard to make out, but that’s probably because of the greatness! A lot of great artists are difficult to get a quick read on. You ever see a Picasso?

Let’s see what kind of reviews this app gets!

You can tell this is the “Greatest” wallpaper because it’s so popular among people who were paid to review it.


Oh, come on, Chris! The man is paying you to leave a good review and the best you can manage is three stars?

I guess some people just don’t recognize greatness.


We’re on God’s time Now!


Here’s a weird one. This man has invented a new way of telling time. Apparently if you use this new clock he’s invented, you’ll be understanding time as God understands it. You know, up in heaven or His own planet, or whatever.

 Below is a part of my patent application publication.  This explains the device and how it is to be used.  I need to make a interactive app and prototype smart watch so that all believers in the world can unite, form specific request groups and concentrate on certain prayer requests while metering the actual time that is passing in the different dimensions. If nothing else this will focus, encourage and increase faith for the participants.

He goes on in this vein for pages and pages which I won’t quote here, but he never really explains why I’d want this, besides some vague references to miracles or something.

This was the best use of this new timekeeping that I could think of.

BOSS : Johnson! You’re half an hour late for the board meeting!

JOHNSON : Yes sir, but that’s only 5 milliseconds to God!

Six Thousand Years?

Now, I had a suspicion what the point of this was, so I worked out the math and low and behold, a single day for God works out to just shy of a thousand years for us. That makes the six “days” of Genesis add up to “Less than six-thousand years”. And I thought “Oh, he’s a Young Earth Creationist” trying to somehow make the math work out. But then I remembered that even the most extreme fundamentalist young-earthers believe that there’s thousands of years of human history after the events of Genesis. So maybe the the six thousand years is just a coincidence?

I tried working it the other way, too. Maybe the universe is 6000 years old in God time. What does that work out to in human time? About two billion years. Less than half the age of the Earth (never mind the universe.)

Point is, I can’t make heads or tails of this insanity. But there’s a lot of it! This Kickstarter weighs in at 1800 words of crazy.



Guy’s do “Lunch”

Maybe it’s just me, but when someone is pitching a new dot-com business, I expect a certain level of, let’s call it “internet savvy”. What I do not expect is someone who calls Kickstarter “Kick starter dot com” in the tone of voice you might use when you’re describing some new idea you want your three year old to think about.

I also expect enough technological competence to make sure the camera is level before you start recording. (And maybe turn on a light or something?)

And finally, while I admit I don’t know the first thing about the dating scene for affluent gay men, I would very much not expect the fact that a man has been in a “rock solid” relationship for 18 years to be used to support the idea that he needs a dating service.

But all my expectations were shattered by this cringe-worthy video!


Don’t throw away your XBox yet.


Kyle Walker starts this project by posing an intriguing question. If you were trapped in a box that was impossible to escape from, and time didn’t exist, how long would it take you to get out of the box? Oh wait, did I say intriguing? I meant “moronic and pretentious”.

Three paragraphs in, he decides to talk about the actual project.

A: Real Play is a real world interaction experience with a twist of innovation and technology advances. It is a gaming system that has no competition on the market there is no plausible way for any to duplicate or copy it. its truly a one of a kind idea the push the boundary's of science and human intelligence. Simple enough for a 5 year old to play but a real challenge for the smartest person to build.

So it’s a game console? One so revolutionary that it will change the way we view the world?

 Simple enough for a 5 year old to play but a real challenge for the smartest person to build.
Or possibly it’s just a Rubik’s Cube. Who knows?

Luckily, he provides a link to a demo.

Don’t bother clicking the link. I took one for the team and clicked it for you.

It’s movie clips with really easy trivia questions super-imposed over them.
This is his revolutionary new “game system” that is going to change the way we perceive reality itself.

It’s already changed the way I perceive time; I seem to remember this impossible-to-duplicate technology showing up as a bonus feature on a Muppets DVD I owned ten years ago, which is in the past. But somehow, I now understand that Kyle Walker just now invented this technology.


No. We already know what risk is. You don’t need to define it for us! Certainly not in a long, rambling, underpunctuated pile of childish text. (Speaking of children, why is it bad if a new born is loved by someone?) You’re supposed to tell us the risks and challenges of your project.

I really would have thought this was obvious, but his mind has clearly been expanded by his revolutionary “Game system” that he can’t understand basic human expectations.


Where’s my daughter?!?


That’s a photograph of the project creator. I didn’t blur it out; that’s how he uploaded it.

  This Project is to develop an App to monitor who my teenage daughter is dating.The first section will consist of a voluntary section to be filled in by the prospective suitor. It will be simply name, age (not birthdate) GPA, hobbies, does he drive and sports activities.The second part will include reviews form past dates filled out by other parent as to the reliability of the person in question.Things like punctuality, politeness and demonstration of respect.Other things such as tattoos or piercing can also be annotated.This is a dating review site for parents.

This whole thing is so adorable! It’s the perfect portrait of an old man shaking his cane at the world while he tries to work out which buttons to press to make his newfangled computer “do the internet”. I hear apps are big now, right? Maybe an ‘app‘ can make sure his daughter doesn’t hook up with some reprobate miscreant who listens to that “inner city” music and wears his pants too low!

So adorable!

It IS a project!!



The tunnel of fear is a amusement park where film horror becomes a reality and everything can happen.

Ignore the image. That’s blatantly plagiarized from the marketing screenshots for “Metro:Last Light“.

I am going to build "The biggest, scariest tunnel of fear in the whole world" on a big area, where everyone's fears become a reality. My amusement park break the barrier of courage in most brave people. One ride have to take from 25 to 30 minutes. The project foresees about 30 vehicles (one vehicle can hold 6 people).
So he’s going to build a gigantic “Tunnel of Fear”. How gigantic? He doesn’t say, but even if we assume a sedate, non-scary, average speed of 5mph, we wind up with a track-length about the length of the Disneyland monorail.

This project is based in Wales, but it’s clearly from a non-native English speaker. Was it created by the vanishingly small, possibly extinct group of Welsh people who grow up speaking only Welsh? No, turns out it’s from a Germain immigrant.

Now, if there’s one thing Germans are known for it’s, well ok, it’s WW2, but if there’s a second thing Germans are known for, it’s fantastic engineering projects! So how’s the tunnel of fear work? And how will it break my “barrier of courage”, whatever that means?

 In the first 10 minutes there will be 5D technology. In the next steps there will be use the highest technology such as: high quality realistic digital holograms, collapses, the sensation of flying over precipice, and many other which I can't reveal because of uniqueness of this project. I expect general roconstruction once a year, so visiters could look for new experiences every year and it also have to protect my amusement park before routine. According to calculations the annual income have to amount to about £2,000.000.00.      I am also going to build three bars (with fast foods, normal food, drinks, ice - creams, etc.)  in the area of amusement park. Next to the tunnel of fear there will be also a rope park for children from 3 to 12 years, and many other attractions for children.  Annual cost of maintain was calculated for about £180,000.
Ok, some of those things aren’t even real things.

Thanks to reader Beau B. for pointing this out to me!