No, give ME The America!


GIVE ME the America”. This shirt says “Give me the America”

I want you to take a moment to read that shirt out loud. Really. It’s an experiment.

“Give Me the America”

You said it in a funny accent didn’t you? Maybe you said it like a Mexican immigrant, or maybe you said it like an eastern European grandmother, but you said it in a funny voice. You can’t help it!

Give me the America!

By the way, why is that flag so ratty looking?

Ok, The “Give Me The America” photo is the only photo in the project, but I notice his profile picture has this gem. (I guess this genius didn’t know how to put images in the project.)

“of the PAST.” Clearly, this is the back of the shirt and he meant it to read all together as

GIVE ME the America of the PAST.”

Have we learned nothing from “Make 7 UP YOURS“? Nobody reads the front and back of a T-shirt together!

Anything You can Do I can do Better

Sadly, it looks like this project is going to fail.

But what if you still want a dumb shirt? No worries, I’ve done my best to recreate this shirt.

Ok, I only did the front, but nobody reads the back of a shirt.

Give Me The America
(This was not a joke. But you can no longer buy the shirts. You missed ’em!)

Projektor – Because Poor literacy is Kool.

Hey, hey! The blog is telling me that we’ve passed a milestone, and this is my 101th post!
I’m not going to count them myself, I’m just going to assume it’s true!

Hooray! 100 Posts!
So Follow @Kickstarter on twitter and Tell your friends on Facebook, because we’ve hit the big-time now!
Woo! 100! Let’s hear it for round numbers!

(We now return to our regularly scheduled post about a stupid Kickstarter project.)
Projektor plugs into your mobile devices headphone jack, in order to project your screen onto wherever you wish with limited wires.
This project needs $125,000 to make projectors that plug into the headphone jack of your iphone.

Of course this is impossible for a couple of reasons, not the least of which is that the iPhone’s operating system won’t allow you to install that kind driver, and the last time I saw video compressed as audio was the infamous Fisher-Price PXL 2000.

He also claims it’s going to be running off your iPhone’s batteries, which simply isn’t possible through the headphone jack.

But forget all that. Look at this picture. Look at this picture!!
This guy wants us to give him $125,000 and this is the best he could come up with?
It’s just the front half of a flashlight copy/pasted over one of Apple’s publicity photos!

How did he possibly think this piece of crap would be good enough to get him over a hundred grand?!?

Anything you can do I can do better!

This is probably a good time to unveil my own new invention!

That’s right. It’s a coffee maker that connects to your iPad Mini! It’s really useful. You can use the touchscreen to select different types of brew, or how much cream and sugar you want. You can even set it to your alarm, so the coffee is ready when you wake up. The possibilities are endless.

As you can see from the photograph, I already have a working prototype.

I’m going to need $500,000 to develop this, so keep an eye out for my Kickstarter.


Haiku for Dicks and T-Shirts

DickHaiku - 5 - 7- 5 and related to dick jokes. With the raised money I will produce funny shirts and stickers for you and your friends.
This man wants to raise $700 to print T-shirts with haiku on them.

Haiku about dicks.

Every Haiku he writes is about his penis.

He gives a sample of a haiku he might use :

one time, my penis
ran for local school board and
then killed a llama.

I’m going to be honest here. That haiku sucks.

But, maybe he has better ones! Let’s take a look at his twitter feed!

Kickstarters, do you really want to give this guy your address?

Anything you can do, I can do better

So, this inspired me. Maybe there’s an audience out there for Haiku printed on T-shirts? I can do that! I’ve written two of them :

Haiku T-Shirt : No rainy sidewalks, panhandle the blogosphere, beg on kickstarter haiku_buskers
(Click to buy these shirts. This is not a joke.)

Or maybe there’s only a market for haiku about dicks? I guess I can do that.
Haiku T-shirt : Haiku for your dick, it's too short.