Roundup : Horrifying Children’s Books

My Daddy Told Me

Gah! What is that supposed to be? Is that daddy?

The Pineapple Princess

Half princess, half pineapple, all abomination against nature!


Ahhhh! His head is horrifying enough, but what is wrong with his knees?!?

There’s a Crocodile in the Stew

The crocodile doesn’t scare me, but what’s all that other stuff in the stew?

Ishnabobber Books

A giant ghost is crushing that girl with a giant bible!

Like a Fish on a Bike

It’s against the natural order, it is.

Bubby and the Goodie-Jar





Here’s a book created by a six year old after the first time someone explained the gun control debate to him.

Haha! Just Kidding! This is Major Tom (From “Planet Nubia“) again!

Now, I’ll come right out and admit that like any good East-coast liberal, I’m in favor of strong gun control laws, but reading this Kickstarter posting made me want to stand on a street corner and hand out assault rifles to children!

I can already tell that this is going to be a serious book that doesn’t trivialize other people’s opinions.

Don’t worry, though! Major Tom has SOLVED the gun control debate.
Wow… yea… Sure, I don’t see any problems with that plan.

Don’t like Major Tom’s position on Gun Control? Then you should pay him $500 so you can put a 250 word rebuttal in his book.

That makes perfect sense.


Book to Theme Park : Candlelight

Book to Theme Park Candlelight : A Science Fiction love story

Josh Kostelecky is a man with a plan.

It’s a bit complicated, but I’ve taken the liberty of illustrating it.

First you write three books. Then you Build a theater. Then you build a movie studio. Then you build a theme park. Then you ride the roller coaster all day long, because you've earned it, man. You've earned it.

So how’d that turn out?


Dog poop book!

This man needs $5,000 to create a coffee table book about dogs pooping.

I’m not sure what else needs to be said about that.

Oh, so you’re not taking the photos yourself, you’re just going to “collect” them.

Ok, where are you collecting them from?

(I think he means the book.)

Of course! That’s why it’s “Crowdsourced”. I get it! You want us to take the photos that you are going to sell.

Ok, I guess I could donate a picture to your business venture. How do I do that?

You know what? I just remembered, I don’t have a dog.


Adult fetuses on Mars!

“FETUS:” The untold MARS story

This man wants $11,700 to write a book. Well, let’s take a look at some examples of his writing!

I’m glad society got that sorted!

I really hope he forgot a comma between “Government” and “Abortion”.

Well, anyone can make a few typos, right?  Let’s listen to what he had to say on the video!

“With the heavy gravity and extreme cold of Mars, humans just couldn’t sustain the conditions!”

Bah!  First, that is not how you use the word “sustain”. Second, Mars does not have heavy gravity.

“A beautiful young genetic scientist falls in love with a perfect adult well endowed male fetus.”

So, the scientist was young, but the fetus was an adult with a big dick?

Buddy, let me clue you in here. THERE IS NO SUCH THING AS AN ADULT FETUS! When a fetus grows up, it ain’t a fetus anymore. It’s a person. That’s pretty much the whole point of fetuses. That’s what they’re for.