YOU SLEEP!

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Well, that’s terrifying.

 a new designed . Mr Eyes  is bright a pair of happy eyes that will make your children smile. .  It is a pillow that light up with the push of a button and has a second button with a pre recorded message that says "You sleep! I will watch." Very, Very Terrifying.

They actually tried this project twice. Let’s see how they improved it.

Revised Version :

It is a pillow that light up with the push of a button and has a second button with a pre recorded message that says "You sleep!I will protect you!" Or it also has the ability to be recorded so parents can record their own message. .

You sleep! I will be vigilant!

You sleep! I shall keep the darkness at bay for as long as I am able!

You sleep! The nightmare-spawn and its dark minions will not find us here!

Grab your weapon, young one! We shall face the monsters together!

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This project kindly suggested by @hannah__forbes

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Creative scam, I hope.

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Here’s a Kickstarter for a video game company named “The Creative Games”. Huh. Not the most creative name, but whatever.

What are they making? Nothing much. Only the most extensive and fully featured videogame in the history of mankind. That’s right.

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Wow. This game is even bigger than Grand Theft Auto V! GTAV was involved a team of well over a thousand people and an estimated budget of £170 million! (about $265 million)

So what astronomical sum of money is this project going to cost?

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HA-ha! $3,500cad (about $3150 US) You couldn’t even get a PS4 developers’ kit for that little, let alone hire people to use it! Crumby little phone games ripping off Candy Crush have budgets ten times that! Even if they get a hundred times their goal, this project is hilariously doomed to failure.

Who are the crazies behind this trainwreck?!?

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Oh no. … Please, don’t tell me …

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Ugh! It is. This is some clueless mother setting up her child for the most crushing, and embarrassingly public, disappointment of his life.

It’s made all the worse by the fact that there really are kids his age with realistic goals, doing phenomenally well on Kickstarter.

In fact, taken at face value this is horrible, so I choose to believe that this is a scam. I choose to believe that this is an intentional scam to prey on people who are charmed by a cute kid.

I have a certain respect for a well played con job, so that’s what I choose to believe this is, because the alternative is terrible.


Important Note: This post is a commentary on the project and the adults involved. Feel free to discuss this project in the comments, but if you post a comment criticizing or insulting the children involved, you will be banned.

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Two Unfortunate Title Images.

The title image is one of the most important part of a Kickstarter project pitch. It’s the first thing people see, and we all know how important first impressions are.

The Anthony Book

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This woman wants to make, not just one book, but a series of them.

And to give us confidence that she is capable of this difficult task, she has given us this lovely image.

It’s a thing of beauty and technical perfection. Look at that fine-line quality! Look at the subtle colors!

Starbaby Enterprises

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Oh lovely. Starbaby Enterprises is showing off their marketing prowess by advertising their new fashion-show with this well thought-out and carefully focus-tested image.

“Tar Baby” can mean two things.

  1. Primarily, it means a messy problem that gets a lot worse the more you try to solve it.
  2. In some parts of the USA (Where? Not sure, but I’m going to blame The South.) it is a derogatory term for a black child.

I’m sure that, as any good marketing company would, Starbaby Enterprises carefully considered these meanings before cropping the first letter off their logo for their main, title image on Kickstarter.

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So-whats?

There are a lot of children’s books on Kickstarter. I mean a lot, and most of them are frankly pretty dire. I could probably fill this entire blog with nothing but children’s books, but I don’t because that would be boring, and even more mean spirited than this site usually is.

However, when you compare yourself to Doctor Seuss I expect great things. Anyone with the gall to compare themselves to one of the great masters in the field had better be able to back it up. So with that in mind, let’s dig into “The Star of Soreals

The Star of Soreals is a seussian story, a whimsical tale, and a fun allegory, about different folks and their transformative glory.

I’m going to ignore this guy’s description of the book. It has a few typos, but whatever.

Lived two types of folks who did not interact // They lived on their own side of the track matterfact. On Type of these folks was known as sowants // 'Cause they wanted whatever eachother would flaunt. No the sonots were so afraid of the Sowants // that instead they just focused on all their own thoughts.
Ugh! Make it stop. This is weapons-grade bad poetry right here.
It’s clearly trying, and failing to hit a poetic meter, but I can’t figure out which one. (Compare to Seuss’s favorite meter, the sing-songy anapestic tetrameter.)

And the rhymes! Are you kidding me with those rhymes?!? “Interact / Matterfact”? “wants / thoughts”? “wants / flaunt”?!? THOSE DON’T EVEN WORK!

Ok, ok, there’s more to being “a Doctor Suessian style” than the poetry, the good doctor was also known for his wonderful pen and ink illustrations. So what kind of art does this masterpiece have for us?

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Oh, for crying out loud! I give up.

See Also:

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Roundup : Horrifying Children’s Books


My Daddy Told Me

Gah! What is that supposed to be? Is that daddy?


The Pineapple Princess

Half princess, half pineapple, all abomination against nature!


MR. ORGANIC RECYCLING FROM A TO Z

Ahhhh! His head is horrifying enough, but what is wrong with his knees?!?


There’s a Crocodile in the Stew

The crocodile doesn’t scare me, but what’s all that other stuff in the stew?


Ishnabobber Books

A giant ghost is crushing that girl with a giant bible!



Like a Fish on a Bike

It’s against the natural order, it is.


Bubby and the Goodie-Jar

AHHHHH! IT’S COMING RIGHT AT US!

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