YOU SLEEP!

mr_eyes_01

Well, that’s terrifying.

 a new designed . Mr Eyes  is bright a pair of happy eyes that will make your children smile. .  It is a pillow that light up with the push of a button and has a second button with a pre recorded message that says "You sleep! I will watch." Very, Very Terrifying.

They actually tried this project twice. Let’s see how they improved it.

Revised Version :

It is a pillow that light up with the push of a button and has a second button with a pre recorded message that says "You sleep!I will protect you!" Or it also has the ability to be recorded so parents can record their own message. .

You sleep! I will be vigilant!

You sleep! I shall keep the darkness at bay for as long as I am able!

You sleep! The nightmare-spawn and its dark minions will not find us here!

Grab your weapon, young one! We shall face the monsters together!

eyes_04


This project kindly suggested by @hannah__forbes

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Physics Crazies

Imagine you had never learned to play an instrument. Would your lack of training or experience give you an “open mind” that made you uniquely qualified to give violin lessons?

Imagine you had never seen an episode of Star Trek, but you’d seen a few clips once during an advertisement. Would you go to a convention full of Star Trek nerds and say “I think that tall guy with the pointy ears is secretly an agent for the bad guys, who I’ve named ‘Dark Centaurs’ because Alpha Centauri might be where they come from.”

Imagine you were arrested, and your lawyer told you he had never read any law books, but he’d come up with his own theory on how the law probably works?

Absurd, right? But! there is a field where people do feel confident making up wild-ass theories off the top of their head without actually learning what anyone else has done in that field. Physics.

We Fight Gravity

we_fight_gravity_01
This man saw a television special about gravity. And decided he wanted to do important work in this field.
Instead of the very hard research, study, and mathematics that would require, he just made stuff up based entirely on “pop science” sources like TV documentaries. Suffice it to say his “theories” are high-school level insights and misunderstandings dressed up in a bunch of made up terminology. The “problems” he thinks he’s solving were resolved almost a century ago, but he’s not educated enough to understand the solutions.
Of course, no effort has been made to test his theories.

BLINK: The Quadrature Theory of Everything!

quad_physics_01
This man is even further from reality. “Quadrature ” is the word for any one of several out-of-date methods for determining the area under a curve. It’s what the ancient Greeks had instead of calculus.
I don’t think this man knows that, though. Apparently Quadrature is the God of the old testimate, but it’s also a new form of physics that will bring about world peace.
Of course, no effort has been made to test his theories.

Common Ground

Interesting thing, BOTH of these projects seem to think that modern physics are “proved” to be wrong because speed is measured as a factor of time, and special relativity tells us that time is not constant. Therefore how can the Speed of Light possibly be constant? Checkmate, scientists!

If these guys were better educated, they’d know that they are not the first person to think of this. Einstein worked this out before he even published his theories back in 1905. Furthermore, since then the solutions he figured out are actually well tested.

Conclusion

These people have always existed. Ask any physics professor, they’ll tell you that they get hundreds of “manuscripts” from people who are uneducated and have just the right kind of brain problem to think that doesn’t matter. I don’t know why Physics attracts these people so much, but it’s kind of sad that instead of pestering some hapless professor, nowadays they make a fool of themselves in public

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We’re on God’s time Now!

CephasMeter_01

Here’s a weird one. This man has invented a new way of telling time. Apparently if you use this new clock he’s invented, you’ll be understanding time as God understands it. You know, up in heaven or His own planet, or whatever.

 Below is a part of my patent application publication.  This explains the device and how it is to be used.  I need to make a interactive app and prototype smart watch so that all believers in the world can unite, form specific request groups and concentrate on certain prayer requests while metering the actual time that is passing in the different dimensions. If nothing else this will focus, encourage and increase faith for the participants.

He goes on in this vein for pages and pages which I won’t quote here, but he never really explains why I’d want this, besides some vague references to miracles or something.

This was the best use of this new timekeeping that I could think of.

BOSS : Johnson! You’re half an hour late for the board meeting!

JOHNSON : Yes sir, but that’s only 5 milliseconds to God!

Six Thousand Years?

Now, I had a suspicion what the point of this was, so I worked out the math and low and behold, a single day for God works out to just shy of a thousand years for us. That makes the six “days” of Genesis add up to “Less than six-thousand years”. And I thought “Oh, he’s a Young Earth Creationist” trying to somehow make the math work out. But then I remembered that even the most extreme fundamentalist young-earthers believe that there’s thousands of years of human history after the events of Genesis. So maybe the the six thousand years is just a coincidence?

I tried working it the other way, too. Maybe the universe is 6000 years old in God time. What does that work out to in human time? About two billion years. Less than half the age of the Earth (never mind the universe.)

Point is, I can’t make heads or tails of this insanity. But there’s a lot of it! This Kickstarter weighs in at 1800 words of crazy.

CephasMeter_03

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Be Prepared.



indur_01

Stephen Lauzon needs just over 4.9 million dollars (Canadian) to build an underground arcology-style bomb shelter. Capable of completely supporting a minimum of 500 people for three years.

Why? He doesn’t say. We can only assume that he knows something that we don’t.

indur_03
Notice that the entrance to the hot tub is flanked by statues of angels. This is important.

indur_04
Huh. I’m not sure Stephen Lauzon understands how trees work. Where are the roots of that tree?

The INDURATUS Project - Stage 2 has been established to move from proven design and engineering of system components, to complete the fabrication of a state-of-the-art, technologically advanced, Underground Shelter System designed to effectively mitigate (to military specifications) ALL modern day potential threats; CBRN (Chemical, Biological, Radiological, Nuclear), EMP (Electro-Magnetic Pulse - Solar Flare) and Seismic (to an engineering equivalency of +10 on the Richter Scale).

OK, I don’t know what terrible thing Stephen Lauzon is planning for, but I’m convinced! I played Fallout. I know that to survive we must move to underground vaults.

How do I get in on this?!?

indur_cap

A cap?!? I pay a thousand dollars so you can build a vault to save yourself from the upcoming horrors of nuclear devastation destined to destroy the surface world with such completeness that our great cities will be razed and the living will envy the dead, and all I get out of it is a fucking cap?!?

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Quickies

Fantasy Females


You expect me to pay twenty dollars for digital copies of pin-up sketches of fantasy creatures? Have you not even heard of DeviantArt?

This again?


Last time someone tried this stupid idea, they came here to KickFailure to lie about how many millions of dollars they were making with their stupid idea. I’m really hoping that happens again. I love crazy people.

Dark and Grity


The original Treasure Island is already a bit on the dark side, but check out the dialog in this “dark and gritty” reboot.

Black Dog : “You fucked up Billy, and the captain has a strict attitude regarding what happens with people who fucks up”
‘Captain’ Bill : “So just give me the fucking thing then!!!!”

Ah, what authentic 18th century dialog. Clearly, this was written “for adults”!

(Incidentally, the “fucking thing” that Bill is so impatient to be given is The Black Spot. You know, the death mark that terrified him so completely that he keeled over from a heart attack.)

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What *IS* this?

What's This --  Ever had a spider in your house and wanted to know if it was poisionis or what kind it was? Introducing the photo reconition app,

So it’s like Google Goggles? For spiders?

This started out with me and a friend playing with a medal detector. We kept digging objects out of the ground that we could not identify. So we thought wouldn't it be great to have a phone app that could tell us what these unidentified objects were. So here I am trying to make that happen. Have the drive and ambition to get this done but am lacking  funds . This app will be able to take a picture and then identify the object in that picture with name and other information

So it’s like Google Goggles for everything, and about a thousand times better than anything Google has been able to manage.

That seems … pretty impossible.

Risks and challenges  Only thing I have run into thus far is the copy write for the name What's This . But I am currently working on a solution for the problem
That’s it? That’s the only risk you can think of for this impossible, Even-Google-Can’t-Do-It project? Really?

Aww why am I picking on this kid?

Sometimes I feel mean about picking on projects that are so clearly written by some twelve year old who doesn’t understand how the world works yet.

 mike orlik  Foley, AL  I am a 30 yr. old Maintenance supervisor. I have a wife and 6 kids. I like camping, hiking, pool, outdoors etc..

Oh.

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Cybermatrix 100

cyber_01

Ladies and gentlemen, meet inventor Schaun Bishop (aka “Piscea Sikono”). He’s twice tried to launch the same project on Kickstarter, but first let’s see what he has to say about himself.

I LIVE IN ST LOUIS FOR ABOUT 18 YEARS NOW, AND I WAS RAISED IN A POOR HOUSEHOLD, GOT HOSPITILIZED 15 DIFFERENT TIMES AND I ALWAYS SPEND MONEY ON THINGS I ONLY WANT RATHER NEED. IN A HOUSE OF JUST MY PARENTS AND ME, HOWEVER I WAS RAISED IN ORLANDO, FL IN A HOUSE OF 2 OLDER SISTERS, AND ONE OLDER BROTHER. I WAS RAISED IN A LARGE SIZED FAMILY, BUT I LIVE ALONE WITH PARENTS THAT LOVES ME AND CARES FOR ME. I JUST WISH I DIDN'T ABUSE THEM.
That … doesn’t really give me confidence that he can effectively manage $25,000 of our money.

To do a Kickstarter, you really need to be skilled in money management and — wait. … What was that last bit?
cyber_03
Yikes! Let’s just move right on to the project, shall we?

A world-changing invention

CYBRMATRIX 100

Actually, he calls his invention the “Cybermatrix 100″, but whatever. Maybe he’s gone all New-Media/Web2.0 on us. (Like “Tumblr”)

CYBER MATRIX NOW LOADING...

What does it do?

the cybermatrix has the ability to make video and cyber based games using one engine, and you can make movies and music as well using one engine.it comes with the powerbooth, powerportal, cyberstove, rom attatchment, galaxy attatchment, artificial intelligence system [ai system], and power-controller.

My favorite part is the cyber stove. I’m going to use it to heat up some cyber mac&cheese.

As far as I can tell, this is some absurd cross between a gaming console, and a full-body virtual reality device that literally uploads you to cyberspace a la ‘Tron‘ or ‘The Matrix‘.

The numerous illustrations show something that looks like an x-box controller, but also a giant blue oval with sliding doors that the user is apparently sealed into during operation.

You’re probably following all this so far, but you’re wondering what will you see while the device is loading the files it needs to operate? Mr. Bishop has anticipated your curiosity, and illustrated with this informative diagram :
CyberMatrix - Now Loading

Cyberspace is dangerous

We’ve all seen movies. I learned at an early age from documentaries like ‘The Matrix‘ and ‘VR5‘ that if you die in cyberspace you die in real life, or at best become a mindless vegetable. Better check the FAQ (that I swear I am not making up) to make sure he’s taken care of this frightening possibility.
FAQ (about getting trapped in CYBERSPACE!)

That’s all well and good, but it still leaves one question un-answered.

for people who are concerned about my console being used as an act of terror, it won't.

Now that he’s answered our questions, it’s only fair that he get to ask us a question.

dear users:  i was wondering when i get a virtual prototype from invention home, after i get my project funded, what tools do i need on how to make a physical prototype out of my virtual prototype?  i also need advice on how to build it?  if anyone has answers, let me know.  schaun out.


Thanks to reader @0xC0FFEE for teaching me, to my astonishment, that my favorite beverage can be represented in hexadecimal, and for recommending the topic for this article.

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Books? I think?

InPrint_01

The first thing you’ll notice about this project is that the video has about a dozen elephants in it, but absolutely no mention of his project.

At this point you’re probably asking a question. You’re thinking “What the hell?”

All I can tell you is that I think this is a (ha ha!) ‘writer’ who is trying to sell some books.

The great thing about writers is that their Kickstarter project descriptions are always so well written.

 I have other stories. That I plan upon offering to the public. That is why I'am here! To get the stories to the public in an ' turn the page ' format. The video is of me ( razor cellular phone )riding public transport. lol. The monies is for : 1) An " Up to date " look for the books 2) Publishing for the books 3) Distribution for the books

Ok, buddy. Whatever you say.

If I back your project, whatever it is, what do I get out of it?

InPrint_03

Oh, so I can’t buy the book, but I can buy a raffle ticket? If my pledge is in the top half of one third?

That reminds me of my favorite passage from Kickstarter’s rules for project rewards.
no_raffles

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