Embrace the Future of Parcels!

alphaBAND_01

Very high-tech blue-print we’ve got going on here.

My team and I are self-identified futurists with specific ideas about mail delivery from the USPS® 5, 10, and 20 years from now. We believe the accessibility of alphaBAND™ has the potential to transform how we send and receive mail.

Hang on folks, this one’s a tricky one.

How it Works!

Imagine you wanted to send an present to your friend.

Ok.
You could just mail it to them at the post office, but that’s old fashioned. We’ve got Web2.0 now!

So how should I send it?
You should use a 3d scanner to digitize it. Then your friend could get a 3d-print of the item.

Would that work?
Sure, if you only send things made of 100% plastic!

So I email my friends the 3d file?
Don’t be so old fashioned! Email was invented in the 1970s! You want something more hi-tech!

Oh. Then how do I send it?
Through the post office!

But, wasn’t that invented back in-
THROUGH! THE! POST! OFFICE!

…ok. So do I give the post office my friend’s address, or my friend’s email address?
Neither! You give the them your friend’s biometric signature.

Bio-whatsit signature?
Biometric Signature! It’s your friend’s permanent serial-number based on his DNA!

How would that help the postman find my friend?
Easy! Your friend would wear a bracelet that transmits his biometric serial number and his exact location directly to the government, 24 hours a day!
That way the postman will have no problem at all!

… I don’t think I like the future anymore.

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Don’t do this.

This is a strange trend.

More and more often, when I do a post slamming some stupid project, immediately afterwards I get an email like this one.

MysteryEmail

Really? Who by?

Look, my two goals with this blog are to mock funny or dumb projects and provide cautionary tales about fraudulent projects. When you send me a letter asking to be featured, it makes me feel like I’m not doing my job.

Fine, OK.

I’m not going to link to your project, but if you really want to be mocked by me, I guess I could point out a basic spelling error.

MysteryEmail_its
Ha-ha! Everybody knows that possessive pronouns don’t have apostrophes!

There. Done. You’ve been featured on my blog. Don’t say I never did anything for you.

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