The Liquid Metal

Melt a metal with your hand!
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This man has discovered a metal named “gallium”. Which sounds impressive, but it couldn’t have been all that hard to discover, since gallium has been sitting right there on the periodic table since 1871.

One of the neat things about gallium is that its melting point is about 85°F (30°C). So it melts as easily as butter. It’s also non-toxic so, unlike mercury, it’s safe to play with.

The problem with metals is that they are very expensive, so now i need your help! With your contribution i can buy other metals and study their characteristics and also make amazing experiments.
This is his entire project. He wants to buy a bunch of metals to play with.

I’m sorry, did I say “play with”? I meant “study their characteristics”. This man is clearly a serious scientist.

What do we get?

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All his rewards are for “Lego bricks” made of gallium.

They’re not real, functional legos, though. Partially because they’re made with a novelty ice-cube tray and won’t have holes in the bottom, but mostly because they’re made of gallium! Gallium melts on a warm summer day!

Even if it doesn’t melt in the mail (it will), the whole reason you’d want some gallium is to have fun melting it! So who cares if it comes in lego shape?

Of course, what he’s hoping you won’t realize is that gallium isn’t hard to get. Anyone can just order it from a chemical supply catalog. Or even Amazon.

Be sure to “study its characteristics” and not just play with it!

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Electro Wallet

 Electronic wallet with a touch screen and fingerprint scanner designed to protect all contents of the wallet in a highly secure manner.

Reader James K has disovered the most absurd wallet on Kickstarter so far. And that’s no easy feat, because there’s been some pretty absurd wallet kickstarters.

Let’s take a look at what makes this so absurd :

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This battery powered monstrosity has everything you could ever want from a wallet :

                   How does Electro-Wallet work?      Provides both men and women with a fully secured electronic wallet.      Features a fully-digital color touch screen in order to access all components of the wallet.     Electro-Wallet is composed of 100% stainless steel.     Utilizes a thumb fingerprint scanner in order to gain access to up to 20 different cards such as driver’s license, credit cards, and more.     Includes a back compartment to hide and secure various amounts of cash.       Ensures all valuable items carried within the wallet are safe until the user has need of them.     Electro-Wallet has a built-in tracker, which allows for tracking of the device.     E-Wallet has RFID blocking technology that protects against wireless identity theft an RFID skimming.     This Device has a Mobile App which allows for secondary controlling of the wallet.

This isn’t a wallet, this is a electronic safe that you carry around in your pocket!

(Interestingly, it also seems to have some kind of “Doctor Who”-style “bigger on the inside” technology, because the “money storage” area seems to take up almost the entire volume of the device, occupying the same space as the credit card compartment.)

Why?

Electro-Wallet has been a project I have been working on for 3 years now. This is my first time designing something this spectacular.  It all started on new years eve midnight 2011, when my friends and I were robbed and had our wallets taken. The robbery was not the bad part, the worst part was calling and cancelling my debit card and all my credit cards. Then I had to re-order them all which took about 2 weeks to get to me, my identification card took the longest because with an ID your option of doing things are very limited. So I came up with and idea to solve this issue, with E-Wallet all your personal cards and cash are completely safe. Its has a stainless steel body with a LED touchscreen, It has a cash storage compartment located on the back of the wallet. The wallet has fingerprint recognition technology for access to your cards and cash storage. E-Wallet has a built in tracker that tracks your wallet if its ever lost or stolen. Besides being THE FIRST OF ITS KIND E-Wallet has some AMAZING FEATURES that will surely grab your attention.
Even a child could tell you this won’t work. If the bad guy has your wallet, he’ll just put it in a vice until it cracks like an egg, or cut it open, or whatever!

All the fingerprint scanners in the world aren’t going to stop a hacksaw.

I suppose I should take a moment to point out the obvious : This thing is battery powered, and when the battery runs dead, you can’t get your own money out without charging it up again, or the aforementioned hacksaw.

Can he even make this?

The project has been a work is progress from finalizing the drawings to getting the funds.Thanks to the help of some good credit I was able to get a loan and have a company called Invention Home help me build a 3D prototype and Patent my idea that was 8 months ago. I built a presentation with the 3D photos of my wallet and some of my sketches.
You know what he never mentions anywhere in his (very long) project page? Not even on the “parts list”?

A circuit board.

Designing this product would be about as complicated as designing a smartphone, but I think that he thinks that “designing a product” just means “drawing a picture of it”. I don’t think he has the first idea how to make this product’s internals.

I think that he thinks that circuit boards and electronics just sort of “happen” during the manufacturing process. Who knows where they come from!

Rule of Thumb

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Never, ever back a project created by someone who describes themselves as an “Inventor”.

Real inventors describe themselves by their area of expertise. They call themselves “Electrical engineers” or “Metal workers” or whatever. If the best title they can think of is “inventor”, it means they don’t have the first clue what the hell they’re doing.

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Dice of Failure

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What is that even a picture of? What is a “bilingual” dice? Are the dots in two languages?!?

Promoting the preservation of culture, and languages world wide through a kickstarter funded hand-eye coordinating communication learning, and memory building game set for classrooms, and homes of people bound to encounter the multicultural scenario.   Karl Smiley: "So; it's like flash cards only one rolls the dice, and the answers are on the other side?"
Are you asking me? Are you asking me what your project is?

 P.S. Pardon, only have a persnickety tablet at my behest for this expression of my work. Compared to a conventional laptop it is fairly consumer oriented. Makes hacking out the details a rough totem pole of the quality prefered to have brought to you for representation;)    I have been singlehandedly moving residences, in the mean time~ cut & paste is not working from Tablet so I'll try and get to a libraries computer kiosk~
Are you joking? You want $160,000 of our money, but you’re already making excuses?

Why would you think that’s acceptable?

It’s not even like there’s a rush. He says later that he’s been trying to get this product to market since 2005. I guess in all that time he couldn’t manage to write a proper pitch, because he didn’t have a laptop!

What do we get

Ok, so even if I believed this person was competent (which I don’t) and even if I understood what this guy is trying to make (which I don’t), I’d still like to get a little reward for my money. So what’s he offering?

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Nothing at all. (And you won’t even get that until December 2016!)


Thanks to reader “jrbkingston” for suggesting this project, and also the title of this post.

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Video Game Roundup

Last week we looked at crazy board games. This week, let’s see if the gaming in the digital realm can do any better.

X-Wing vs Tie-Fighter 2015

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Wow, a new game in LucasArt’s X-Wing franchise? That’s amazing! Why didn’t more people back it?

In case Disney won't allow the licensing for the game demo the project will be completed and distributed anyway for free on the internet!
Oh, because the project isn’t by LucasArts/Disney, it’s by some random dude who wants to “creating an online community of Star Wars fans” to do all the work. (While he keeps the money, I guess?)
He seems to think that if the product is good enough, or if it raises enough money, it’ll just automatically “get the license” and become an official Star Wars game. That is really not how it works.

Imagine you were going to build a themepark, and if you built it “good enough” you’d get to call it “Disney World 2”. LIFE DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!

Insert Cool Name: Everyone’s Game

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This really bumpy video taken in a car promises that he’s going to make “everyone’s game”. (He says he’s sorry about the video quality, but apparently he’s not sorry enough to shoot it again.) Apparently, he’s really good at making games, and he’s going to let everybody vote on what the features should be, while he personally makes a AAA quality game.
Well, we don’t get to vote on all the features. He’s chosen a couple already.
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Basically, he’s already decided that the game will have two vague features that will push the cost into the millions, and also a gun that shoots cats instead of bullets. Sounds like a solid Kickstarter to me!

Incidentally, this guy didn’t give up. When this failed, he tried to get Kickstarters to pay for a “Documentary” about him making a AAA quality game, which would have to first include the cost of the game.

Update from a commenter :
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Legends of Mesenia

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With stunning artwork like that, I’m convinced!

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Boardgame Round-up

I’ve been looking at board, card, and tabletop games on Kickstarter lately. There are some great ones that I’m looking forward to, but there’s also … well, here are the ones that caught my eye. Make your own judgements.

Alpha Blue

Alpha Blue --  Venger Satanis presents an O5R, weird, gonzo, science-fantasy adventure about a brothel in space. Come relax at Alpha Blue.
Uh, yeah. … Look, I don’t want to sound like a prude, but, I am the customer and all, so I was wondering if maybe we could just have, you know, regular sex? Like, without the spear or the slimeworms?

Small Biz vs Big Government

 For small business owners, surviving the fundamental transformation of America is no game...until now.
This Monopoly rip-off makes no secret about being “Anti-Progressive” propaganda, but I can’t help but feel that the all too familiar caricature on their 500 dollar bill hints at another agenda they’re not willing to admit.
Monopoly Money with old-fashioned caricature .

Pharoahs Game

 I created board game right now called Pharaohs game, short but super fun game. Its a adaption of Pharaohs 9 a video game.
I’ve never heard of “Pharaohs 9”, and neither has Google, so I guess we’ve got to just read the description?
  I am a college student and I love board games. So i made my own, I beta texted the game and fans love it. the plane is to make about 50 beta text versions to I can give them to game stores / sell them to we can make a official copy. None of the table top gaming companies are taking walk in ideas.That's where you guys come in and lend a hand. I love you guys, and if your from ( 9gag )i really love you.
Oh, I see. The description tells us nothing at all. Still, it does make me wonder what he’s studying in college!
  God is my leader in my life. I am going to school to be a paster. I am 21, will be married in July 2014 ! Traveled to Japan, Korea, Mexico, and Canada. Want to live in England or Ireland of day. I love camping and nature hikes. I work at a car dealership at the moment. Being behind the desk is not for me.
I pity any parish desperate enough to hire this man.
(Thanks to @cobyhectic for the tip.)

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The Greatest!

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Scott Reimann has created “hands down the greatest marijuana live wallpaper on the Android market“. Truely, a remarkable achievement. Many have tried, but only Scott Reimann has achieved true artistic immortality by creating “the greatest” marijuana live wallpaper ever made.

Let’s see some screenshots!

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I think it’s an animation of a pipe lighting itself, and then smoking? It’s a little hard to make out, but that’s probably because of the greatness! A lot of great artists are difficult to get a quick read on. You ever see a Picasso?

Let’s see what kind of reviews this app gets!
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You can tell this is the “Greatest” wallpaper because it’s so popular among people who were paid to review it.

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Oh, come on, Chris! The man is paying you to leave a good review and the best you can manage is three stars?

I guess some people just don’t recognize greatness.

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We’re on God’s time Now!

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Here’s a weird one. This man has invented a new way of telling time. Apparently if you use this new clock he’s invented, you’ll be understanding time as God understands it. You know, up in heaven or His own planet, or whatever.

 Below is a part of my patent application publication.  This explains the device and how it is to be used.  I need to make a interactive app and prototype smart watch so that all believers in the world can unite, form specific request groups and concentrate on certain prayer requests while metering the actual time that is passing in the different dimensions. If nothing else this will focus, encourage and increase faith for the participants.

He goes on in this vein for pages and pages which I won’t quote here, but he never really explains why I’d want this, besides some vague references to miracles or something.

This was the best use of this new timekeeping that I could think of.

BOSS : Johnson! You’re half an hour late for the board meeting!

JOHNSON : Yes sir, but that’s only 5 milliseconds to God!

Six Thousand Years?

Now, I had a suspicion what the point of this was, so I worked out the math and low and behold, a single day for God works out to just shy of a thousand years for us. That makes the six “days” of Genesis add up to “Less than six-thousand years”. And I thought “Oh, he’s a Young Earth Creationist” trying to somehow make the math work out. But then I remembered that even the most extreme fundamentalist young-earthers believe that there’s thousands of years of human history after the events of Genesis. So maybe the the six thousand years is just a coincidence?

I tried working it the other way, too. Maybe the universe is 6000 years old in God time. What does that work out to in human time? About two billion years. Less than half the age of the Earth (never mind the universe.)

Point is, I can’t make heads or tails of this insanity. But there’s a lot of it! This Kickstarter weighs in at 1800 words of crazy.

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Guy’s do “Lunch”

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Maybe it’s just me, but when someone is pitching a new dot-com business, I expect a certain level of, let’s call it “internet savvy”. What I do not expect is someone who calls Kickstarter “Kick starter dot com” in the tone of voice you might use when you’re describing some new idea you want your three year old to think about.

I also expect enough technological competence to make sure the camera is level before you start recording. (And maybe turn on a light or something?)

And finally, while I admit I don’t know the first thing about the dating scene for affluent gay men, I would very much not expect the fact that a man has been in a “rock solid” relationship for 18 years to be used to support the idea that he needs a dating service.

But all my expectations were shattered by this cringe-worthy video!

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