I bought One : Literally Five Cards

#NoMoreAwk

Here’s what they sent:

Literally Five Cards.

I don’t know what I expected.

But that’s not all!

It also came with a little note saying that they would refund all our money because it was a joke project and we weren’t supposed to actually back it!! (Now you tell me!)

I’m impressed. Think of all the joke projects on Kickstarter, how many of them would be classy enough to refund the money and finish the project?

They also sleeved the cards which is a nice touch.

Practice?

I guess they made this joke project just to practice setting up a Kickstarter project, and were as surprised as anyone when suckers like me actually gave them money. (Someone teach them about “Draft” mode!)

Anyway, their other project, their “real” project, is live and only has a couple of days left. It’s a sci-fi board game for 3-6 players.


If board games are your thing, I recomend checking it out. These people have already proven themselves to be good citizens of Kickstarter by following through professionally, even on their joke project.

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Precious Metals for your Precious Bits

silver_under_01c

Silver underwear to protect your genitals from Cell-phone radiation.

I’m not going to question the premise. Just for today, let’s pretend that “cell-phone radiation” is every bit as scary as it sounds, and that it hasn’t been proved safe hundreds of times. In fact, let’s pretend that cancer rates have gone up since cell-phones became popular. (they haven’t.) Let’s pretend that these underpants contain enough silver to block a phone signal. And finally, let’s be generous and even pretend that the demonstration in their video isn’t blatantly faked.

Here’s what I want to talk about :

silver_under_02
Us menfolk keep our genitals in a dangly sack between our legs. Perhaps the project-creators should have figured out where women keep theirs.

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Game Quest “Inventor”

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I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again : Never trust anyone who describes themselves as an “Inventor”.

Hello America - I’m Mark Ross, your local inventor, and I would like to welcome you to my Kickstater campaign for registering patents for Game Quest! What is Game Quest?

Real inventors describe themselves as “engineers”, “mechanics”, “chemists”, or “game designers”. Real inventors are proud of being experts in some field, and will tell you about it. People who just call themselves an “inventor” aren’t experts at anything, but they still want the cachet that goes with having a cool job description.

This video is a treat. Most of the video features him sitting at a desk with his new invention sealed in a cardboard box.

Spoilers : He never opens the box.

This is classic Kickstarter “Inventor” syndrome.

  • He’s doesn’t show us the invention (because he’s afraid we’ll steal it.)
  • He makes absurd claims then never backs them up, or even explains what they mean.
  • He thinks we’re all going to be hyped up by an invention he never shows us.
  • He describes a patent as an “achievement”.
  • All the rewards are just copies of the patent.

That last one is great. He honestly thinks we care about his patent? It’s just a boring government document. He might as well offer us a copy of his voter registration form. But that’s how Kickstarter “Inventors” think. They believe that a patent is a mystical document, and if they can only “achieve” one, they’ll be on easy street.

(Never mind that boardgames are typically not patented.)

Remember, this is not just a boardgame anymore, this is an interactive, interfacing game system. Interfacing your imagination into the board!

I really do recommend watching the video, it’s full of gems like this. Maybe it’ll get you excited about owning an autographed copy of his patent document.

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Meat Gum!

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Meat gum. Now your breath can have the fresh smell of sausage all day long!

Mmmn… Delicious. All day I can just sit there and suck the meat flavor out of a wad of chewing gum. This is what my life has been missing.

Project Description



Hello, our company

I didn’t edit this. This is the entire project description.

This part is my favorite : “our production with tools and so on“. That should just be the description of every Kickstarter ever.

Rewards

I was thinking about backing this one. Not because I particularly want to chew on meat flavored gum, but because I thought it’d be funny to review it for this blog. Then I noticed this :
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Again, I didn’t edit this, that’s how he posted it. Blank. I guess that means there’s no reward. You don’t even get the gum.

Notice that he made it a limited reward tier. He wouldn’t want to run out of nothing and then be stuck giving some backers something. He was really worried that too many people would back this project.

It never ceases to amaze me that people are idiotic enough to honestly expect this crap to work.

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Who Is Josiah Boyar?

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This man wants to sell you a painting. A painting, by him, of you, for $50. I guess that wouldn’t be a bad deal, if the painting was any good, but the painting he offers as a sample looks strangely machine-generated to me. Like he ran a photograph through a Photoshop filter, then maybe traced the result.

Doesn’t matter, though! The quality of the painting is not the point of this project. The point of the painting is just to be an artifact of Josiah Boyar’s life. Complete with his signature!

Let me get right to the point. I'm going to be famous. I know what you may be thinking

He doesn’t say why he’s going to be famous, but I think we can rule out “Famous Comedian” and “Famous Writer”.

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Roto Phone Mount

 ROTO / New, intriguing, centre of steering wheel, vertical always, Universal, Solution to handling phone in car! Direct line of sight.

Thanks to Twitter user @DavidCattermole, for pointing out this allegedly “Intriguing” project.

The Roto phone holder was an idea that i have been working on for just over a year. its a platform you can put any small to medium sized appliance of information for the vehicle. I pulled apart and incorporated other phone holders and made it to stay vertical to form the Roto, as the residual patent only last's a year i need to do something with it, so i have created a business named IDEINS which means "To See"
“Appliance of information”? You mean a smart phone, right?
The “intriging” idea here is that because it’s mounted on the one part of your car that is constantly rotating, they’ve installed a swivel joint to keep it more-or-less vertical.

But why? Why would you want your phone vertical while you’re driving? Navigation apps work better horizontal. “Auto Mode” interfaces are almost universally horizontal. Even the mp3 player works fine horizontal. I have to assume this is for texting while driving.

Vertical Video Or maybe not. Maybe the designer just has a fetish for vertical phones. He actually filmed the project video in vertical format!
(Don’t do this. Even when you’re viewing them on a phone vertical videos are claustrophobic, like peaking through a keyhole, and on Kickstarter’s website they’re downright ugly and extremely unprofessional.)

Risks and challenges  The only thing i have come upon is the situation of the air-bag. i believe i have addressed this, with a clause on the packaging that states "Not suitable for airbags".

Basically, the only risk in this project is that it’ll drive your phone into your face at hundreds miles per hour, shattering your skull, and forcing your nose up into your brain.

Don’t worry, though. He’s got it covered. He’s going to put a warning label on the package.

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Sky Cart!

https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/892736591/sky-cart?ref=category_newest

Finally! A flying car! I’ve wanted one of those ever since 2001, when it officially became “The 21st Century”!

The project is pretty light on details. It’s got that one cool picture, which is good, but they stole it, which is bad.

It’s actually a picture of the Ehang 184 passenger drone.

No movie either, of course.

  The Sky Cart will be an economical multi personal drone.  With estimated flight times of 45 minutes to possibly a hour and a half at speeds up to 130 miles an hour.  A pre-programmable, which means hands free, or hands on personal aircraft.  With the stability of a drone, speeds of on airplane, and maneuverability of a helicopter, The Sky cart can take you and possibly 3 friends anywhere in half the time of a car.  It truly is capable of eliminating 50% of the vehicles on the roads, and at a starting price of only $25,000!  With the added bonus of being completely electric, or having optional eco friendly auxiliary power units for longer flights.  I already have the designs of the base drone but need the capital for equipment and materials.  Your donations will strictly be going towards the production and licensing/legality aspects of the product.  Any and all donations appreciated.  An estimated only 3-6 months to produce the first prototype.
Wow! Bold claims! Basically they’re promising to make helicopters cheaper than most cars! Something that the worlds’ leading aircraft (and car) manufacturers have been trying to do for about a century.

Funny they could only spare the time to write one paragraph about it, and not even show us a real picture of what they’re working on.

I guess building hovercars is such hard work that they’re too tired to write about it. Makes sense.

Must be risky, huh?

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Oh, I guess it’s basically risk free! I can’t see any reason we shouldn’t give them the $200,000 they’re asking for.

But what do we get?

sky_kart_04

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Shoulda called it “Nazi-opoly”

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Ignore the image, she just stole it. (In an update she claims she made it special for this project. But in reality it’s been floating around on desktop wallpaper sites since at least 2008.)

How lovely. Everyone loves Monopoly, and everyone loves Hitler! Right? Right?

  Monpoly is such a classic that everyone has played. My goal is to make a German style Nazi History monopoly. Every piece is very unique see how much you really know about German history. Play it with family or use it for an adult party. It's fun and refreshing. Let's make history.
You know … Monopoly isn’t really a trivia game. I’m not sure players “see how much they really know” about the theme. ( I mean, does playing the classic version teach you about Atlantic City? Did you even know it took place in Atlantic City?)

The problem I have encountered was finding real facts about German history alot of articles have been destroyed but I have spent 2 years researching and finally found all the interesting facts needed to complete my project. I'm a full blooded German that just wants to bring my history to life.
Maybe I’m jumping to conclusions, but doesn’t it sound like she’s laying the groundwork for some serious holocaust denial?

Maybe that’s unfair. Maybe I shouldn’t make assumptions like that. But what else can I do? These two short paragraphs and a stolen image are all she gives us!


This article recommended by reader Lewis H.

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