Mother Ducker.

Mother Duck_01
Ok, another video game project.

Mother_Duck_06 Mother_Duck_05

This one … doesn’t look great, but let’s give it the benefit of the doubt.

So, tell me about it!

Mother Duck_02
I don’t think you know what any of those words mean.

  • It really doesn’t look like a “platformer game” (which I assume is what he means.)
  • If you wanted to be generous you call call these images “Scenes”, but you could not, by any stretch of the imagination, call them “3d”.
  • Most “infants” I know aren’t really into PC gaming.
  • “Adventure game” … well, I suppose it’s a game that could, in some fashion, incorporate an adventure. Sort of. You know what? Let’s just give them this one.

What’s this “Adventure” anyway?

Mother_Duck_04
Look, pal. If I want a “Suspension experience” I’ll go to an auto-parts store.

Also, why Mother Teresa? Just because she’s also a “Mother”? Or is there some underlying Catholic message to the game? Who knows!

Which game would you play?


“Mother Duck”

(2014)Mother_Duck_03


“Mixed Up Mother Goose”

(1987)Mixed Up Mother Goose_1

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A Tiny Box of Incoherency

Centerpiece_01

Centerpiece. A board game blatantly based on Monopoly. But that’s OK. Monopoly is long out of patent.

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I’m sure this means something, but I can’t tell what.

The video is also an exercise in madness. It’s like listening to your drunk uncle explain a board-game, but then he gets distracted and starts talking about some children’s books for a while, before finally meandering back on-topic.

The whole thing is punctuated by grunts and wheezes like the cameraman is having a heart-attack, which may explain why the video stops abruptly mid-sentence.

As you can see, the “Board” is actually just a piece of paper, but he assures us that durability won’t be a problem. Centerpiece_03
See?

So where did he get the idea for this crazy Monopoly knock-off in a box?
Centerpiece_04
Huh. I wonder if he understands that Stargate SG-1 is just a television series.

I don’t think he does.


This article was suggested by reader @AlanDeSmet

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The sad story of Katalyka and The Sun

Katalyka is a strategy game for 1-4 players that focuses on building a successful Stellar culture that spans across the entire Galaxy!
katalyka_02

This … is a weird one.

I considered not posting this one, since the person involved is clearly suffering from a mental illness. However, I feel that if you’re taking people’s money then you’re fair game. I’ll try to restrict my criticism and comments only to what she’s said about her actual project, and allow you, the reader, to take this as a cautionary tale.

In August 2011 Molly Friedrich successfully kickstarted a boardgame called “Katalyka”, thanks in no small part to the game’s gorgeous art.

The Delays

After the project funded, months passed. The project was late and people were starting to get impatient. Finally Molly posted a photograph of her first prototype and it looked great. She promised that shipping would start in a week or two.

…Then nothing. More silence. Again, people started to get impatient.
katalyka_04

Delays are common on Kickstarter, but this was starting to try people’s patience.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The Explanation

Finally, in June of 2012, nearly a year after the project started, Molly explained what was causing the delays.

Ever since about December, I've been harassed by a voice that is claiming to be the sun, and its been attacking me and harassing me almost every hour of the day. Voice says: "The sun doesn't want you to publish Katalyka, because it wants to be almost exactly LIKE Katalyka, but it keep it all a secret.  If you publish your game, it is going to let people in on too many secrets." (paraphrasing) Apparently, my design for the game was based on ideas that are too close to reality, and people who have a lot of influence over Life itself have been stomping on me and trying to keep me from finishing it.
Woah.

Imagine you gave this woman $200 and when you asked where your stuff was you got this in response!

Her posts on DeviantArt and elsewhere make it clear that she’s 100% serious about this, and she’s really talking about the sun. You know, the one in the sky.

However, even Molly understood that it didn’t make sense for an inanimate celestial body a hundred-million miles away to be contacting her about a board game. She eventually came up with a new theory.

Basically, the US Navy has been putting up transmitter systems all over the place, to control the plasma transition, so that it can try to use information as a weapon.  Apparently, I recorded some things in my game that were a reference to Navy weapons, without knowing that... and so I became one of their targets.
Of … course…

At this point someone pointed out on her DeviantArt account that taking people’s money and then not delivering is illegal.


EDIT (4/30/13): A commenter has clarified that this post is not about the Kickstarter project, but about a private commission Molly took before she started the Kickstarter project. I know I said I would only discuss her Kickstarter project, but I feel that this is still relevant, so I’m going to leave it here.

Her reply was not as reassuring as it could have been :
Reply to allegations of theft by Porkshanks, AKA Molly Friedrich.
Yeah, who’s the real criminal, here? Makes you think.

The latest Update

Last month Molly posted this status update :

It seems like the spiritual collaboration I am working with was able to work out an understanding with the military and some other various groups over the last few weeks, and things are feeling very positive for the future!

So … I guess that’s good news?

------------

The Lesson

katalyka_10

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Online Tic-Tac-Toe?

Online Multiplayer Tic Tac Toe game that you can play with anyone on ANY DEVICE, anywhere at anytime! phones, tablets, PCs and MORE!
Are you kidding me? Are you serious? You honestly want me to pay money for Tic-Tac-Toe?!?

No need to play boring single player games on your phones and computers when you could be playing games with other real people across the globe!
Now we can play a boring two-player game! Wonderful! Now we can bore two people at a time! What an improvement!

I have been developing games for over 5 years on MANY platforms (from mobile to PC to console video games) and I have always been interested in MMO type games so I have a strong knowledge of networking games!
Yea, OK, buddy. I totally believe you. Really.

This guy honestly thinks we’re going to be all excited about rankings and achievements for Tic-Tac-Toe! Tic-Tac-Toe is such a dumb game you can actually get charts that show you the perfect move in any situation, but really, you don’t need them. Anybody that loses at Tic-Tac-Toe is either six years old, or has the brain of a six year old.

WOPR : A Strange Game. The only winning move is not to play.  How about a nice game of chess?
Good thinking, I’m with you, WOPR.

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Roundup : Minecraft Rip-offs begging for money.

Yesterday I mocked Haxel for being rip-off of the break-out hit game “Minecraft”.

Turns out there are a lot of lazy would-be game designers trying to jump on the “Cubes are easy to program” bandwagon. (And asking for your money to do it!)

I’ll bet these are the same fools who complain that mainstream commercial games are “Too unoriginal“.

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