We’re on God’s time Now!

CephasMeter_01

Here’s a weird one. This man has invented a new way of telling time. Apparently if you use this new clock he’s invented, you’ll be understanding time as God understands it. You know, up in heaven or His own planet, or whatever.

 Below is a part of my patent application publication.  This explains the device and how it is to be used.  I need to make a interactive app and prototype smart watch so that all believers in the world can unite, form specific request groups and concentrate on certain prayer requests while metering the actual time that is passing in the different dimensions. If nothing else this will focus, encourage and increase faith for the participants.

He goes on in this vein for pages and pages which I won’t quote here, but he never really explains why I’d want this, besides some vague references to miracles or something.

This was the best use of this new timekeeping that I could think of.

BOSS : Johnson! You’re half an hour late for the board meeting!

JOHNSON : Yes sir, but that’s only 5 milliseconds to God!

Six Thousand Years?

Now, I had a suspicion what the point of this was, so I worked out the math and low and behold, a single day for God works out to just shy of a thousand years for us. That makes the six “days” of Genesis add up to “Less than six-thousand years”. And I thought “Oh, he’s a Young Earth Creationist” trying to somehow make the math work out. But then I remembered that even the most extreme fundamentalist young-earthers believe that there’s thousands of years of human history after the events of Genesis. So maybe the the six thousand years is just a coincidence?

I tried working it the other way, too. Maybe the universe is 6000 years old in God time. What does that work out to in human time? About two billion years. Less than half the age of the Earth (never mind the universe.)

Point is, I can’t make heads or tails of this insanity. But there’s a lot of it! This Kickstarter weighs in at 1800 words of crazy.

CephasMeter_03

Preparing for Eternity.

Eimmortality_01

Hey, I recognize that robot! That’s TOPIO 3.0. Ping-Pong playing robot, and standard stock-photo any time somebody wants to make a crazy point about robots.

Let’s see what crazy point it’s being used for this time!

Eimmortality_04

Yup. That’ll do it.

Dr. Bolonkin Alexander believes that human immortality is coming soon, and he wants to tell us what to do to get ready for it.

He’s written this book to tell us “What to do now for your immortality or a resurrection in the future.

What will we look like as immortals?

Eimmortality_05

Oh wow. Pretty cool. I’d totally spend eternity as The Man of Steel.

But with my luck, I’d get stuck with the Asimo.

(Still, I’m glad that the E-Mans won’t look like Prince Adam.)

What else does the book cover?

Besides preparing for immortality, what else does the book teach us?
Eimmortality_02
Heaven is nice, but not nice enough. We need to get God to resettle in the Internet Net.

Eimmortality_03
Oh come on, now you’re just cribbing from Asimov!

Conclusion.

Look folks, you don’t need this book. If human immortality really is on the way, all you need to do to get ready is to become filthy rich. If you’re in the top 1% of the top 1% then the nice people at the Immortality Clinic will take care of everything for you. If you’re in the bottom 99.99%, then you won’t be able to afford immortality, so don’t worry about it.

(Incidentally, please tell your friends about this blog. I need the advertising money for my immortality fund. Thanks!)


See Also

Two theories of One

These two went up within a week of each-other.

Basically, a “Unified Theory” is a single theory that would link all forms of physics. Apparently, this is very difficult to do. Albert Einstein spent many years attempting it. So has Stephan Hawking and many other great minds. So far : nothing.

But that didn’t stop these guys!

Joe’s Theory

I contend that the Universe only deals in absolutes. 1 real Universe can only be eternally occurring here and now while travelling through one real infinite dimension, once.
There is no way that real light could ever travel from anywhere at approximately 186,000 mps. Light must be the only stationary substance in the Universe.

O….K.

I wonder how that even works. If light is staying still and we’re moving, how does light works in both directions? I guess I’d need to pledge $25 to find out.

1 is the absolute of number. Eternal is the absolute of duration. Here and now are absolutes of location and time. Infinite is the absolute of distance. Once is the absolute of history.

One (Andrew’s Theory)

“Hi, Kickstarters! My name is Andrew Macauley and I am The Scholar of the Brightest Star.”

Hi Jackass, I’m The Blogger of Perpetual Contempt!
Interphysics is essentially the science of examining the fundamental qualities of existence that are capable of being observed solely through the use of logic, rather than physical experimentation
That’s already got a name. It’s called “Philosophy”. Seriously, that’s pretty much the textbook definition of philosophy. Not that he’d know. I’m not convinced Mr Macauley has ever opened a textbook.

our definition of time is inadequate for describing how time actually unfolds, because our definition requires that the past come before the present, when in actuality, the present must come first for
And he went on like this for pages and pages. Or … I guess he will go on like this, since the past comes after the present?

If we are going to show that all things are one and that there is only one moment, we must first begin by understanding what is wrong with our current definition of time.
Hey! This is the same nonsense Joe was trying to sell us!

Here’s a final thought from The Scholar of the Brightest Star :

So how are they doing?

JoesTheory_backersOneTheory_backers

There’s a certain cosmic beauty in the fact that both of these projects (at the time I wrote this) have exactly one backer.

But here’s what confuses me :

Why are there two of these projects running at the same time?

Besides the obvious irony of two Theories of One, it seems like too much of a coincidence for both of these to have popped up within a week of each-other.

If anyone has any theories or explanations please leave them in the comments, because I’d love to hear them.

God Can

GOD CAN: Quality Products - Made in America to Inspire The World. Its a product line made to give hope & promise on all who wear it

God in a Can

Honest to can, when I saw the name of this project I really believed it would be about hollow metal cylinders somehow relating to the almighty. I thought maybe it was some kind of inspirational novelty gift item like I’ve drawn above.

In actual fact, it’s yet another set of T-Shirts.

GOD CAN - GOD CAN - GOD CAN

Boring t-shirts.

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After seven years of nobody wanting your crumby t-shirts and you haven’t figured out what’s going wrong?

Let me crack the code for you : Your shirts are dumb, boring, and confusing.

See Also (More T-Shirts):

FEND_teaserincognito2nd_teaserguns2uranus_teaserfriendzone_teasertshirt_roundup_teaser