This man wants to raise $700 to print T-shirts with haiku on them.
Haiku about dicks.
Every Haiku he writes is about his penis.
He gives a sample of a haiku he might use :
one time, my penis
ran for local school board and
then killed a llama.
I’m going to be honest here. That haiku sucks.
But, maybe he has better ones! Let’s take a look at his twitter feed!
Kickstarters, do you really
want to give this guy your address
Anything you can do, I can do better
So, this inspired me. Maybe there’s an audience out there for Haiku printed on T-shirts? I can do that! I’ve written two of them :
|(Click to buy these shirts. This is not a joke.)
Or maybe there’s only a market for haiku about dicks? I guess I can do that.
There are a lot of children’s books on Kickstarter. I mean a lot, and most of them are frankly pretty dire. I could probably fill this entire blog with nothing but children’s books, but I don’t because that would be boring, and even more mean spirited than this site usually is.
However, when you compare yourself to Doctor Seuss I expect great things. Anyone with the gall to compare themselves to one of the great masters in the field had better be able to back it up. So with that in mind, let’s dig into “The Star of Soreals”
I’m going to ignore this guy’s description of the book. It has a few typos, but whatever.
Ugh! Make it stop. This is weapons-grade bad poetry right here.
It’s clearly trying, and failing to hit a poetic meter, but I can’t figure out which one. (Compare to Seuss’s favorite meter, the sing-songy anapestic tetrameter.)
And the rhymes! Are you kidding me with those rhymes?!? “Interact / Matterfact”? “wants / thoughts”? “wants / flaunt”?!? THOSE DON’T EVEN WORK!
Ok, ok, there’s more to being “a Doctor Suessian style” than the poetry, the good doctor was also known for his wonderful pen and ink illustrations. So what kind of art does this masterpiece have for us?
Oh, for crying out loud! I give up.