I never cease to be amazed by the people who try to sell T-shirts on Kickstarter.
Zombie Survival Grounds
A man named Nobu Lemke has invented the most wasteful possible way to customize a t-shirt.
He starts with a dark colored T-shirt and places a piece of glass on top. Then the glass is smashed with a hammer, and bleach is sprayed between the cracks.
It’s like tie-dying, except instead of using a piece of string or a rubber band, you’re using a pane of glass!
Ok, sure it’s clever, but not all clever ideas are good ideas.
(On the other hand, it looks like this guy is going to make a fortune on this, so what do I know?)
I know I’ve badmouthed Hypercolor shirts in the past, and yes, they are a stupid, worthless gimmick.
… But I love stupid, worthless gimmicks down to my very core. Gimmicks speak to my soul.
I’m actually really sad that these totally radical, but short-lived, early-nineties gimmicks probably aren’t going to make a comeback on Kickstarter.
“GIVE ME the America”. This shirt says “Give me the America”
I want you to take a moment to read that shirt out loud. Really. It’s an experiment.
“Give Me the America”
You said it in a funny accent didn’t you? Maybe you said it like a Mexican immigrant, or maybe you said it like an eastern European grandmother, but you said it in a funny voice. You can’t help it!
Give me the America!
By the way, why is that flag so ratty looking?
“of the PAST.” Clearly, this is the back of the shirt and he meant it to read all together as
“GIVE ME the America of the PAST.”
Have we learned nothing from “Make 7 UP YOURS“? Nobody reads the front and back of a T-shirt together!
Sadly, it looks like this project is going to fail.
But what if you still want a dumb shirt? No worries, I’ve done my best to recreate this shirt.
Ok, I only did the front, but nobody reads the back of a shirt.
Haiku about dicks.
Every Haiku he writes is about his penis.
He gives a sample of a haiku he might use :
one time, my penis
ran for local school board and
then killed a llama.
I’m going to be honest here. That haiku sucks.
But, maybe he has better ones! Let’s take a look at his twitter feed!
whos my first target? / I’m after the twelve year old / sorry, thems the rules
— Dickhaiku (@dickhaiku) March 27, 2012
So, this inspired me. Maybe there’s an audience out there for Haiku printed on T-shirts? I can do that! I’ve written two of them :
Honest to can, when I saw the name of this project I really believed it would be about hollow metal cylinders somehow relating to the almighty. I thought maybe it was some kind of inspirational novelty gift item like I’ve drawn above.
In actual fact, it’s yet another set of T-Shirts.
Let me crack the code for you : Your shirts are dumb, boring, and confusing.
Want to show your support for the Second Amendment, but are worried about what people will think? No problem. “What you need is an Incognito 2nd Amendment shirt”!
This shirt doesn’t mention the 2nd amendment at all! The only reference to gun control is a cartoon of a pair of guns on the back. That way you can stand by your principals even if you’re too cowardly to do it while facing someone.
On the front we have … The Wikipedia logo? No, it’s actually the designer, Michael Warfield’s personal logo. That’s right, he has a personal logo.
The back of the shirt celebrates every American’s fundamental constitutional right to play the hit 1995 arcade game “Area 51”.
So how much is Mr Warfield charging for these masterpieces? What does it cost to show your support for gun ownership without letting anyone know you support gun ownership?
Bah-ha-ha-ha-ha! Sixty-five dollars!
For only $25 these people will sell you a t-shirt with a picture of a house-cat wielding an assault rifle. It’s got just as much to do with the second amendment, and it’s a lot cuter.