We’re on God’s time Now!

CephasMeter_01

Here’s a weird one. This man has invented a new way of telling time. Apparently if you use this new clock he’s invented, you’ll be understanding time as God understands it. You know, up in heaven or His own planet, or whatever.

 Below is a part of my patent application publication.  This explains the device and how it is to be used.  I need to make a interactive app and prototype smart watch so that all believers in the world can unite, form specific request groups and concentrate on certain prayer requests while metering the actual time that is passing in the different dimensions. If nothing else this will focus, encourage and increase faith for the participants.

He goes on in this vein for pages and pages which I won’t quote here, but he never really explains why I’d want this, besides some vague references to miracles or something.

This was the best use of this new timekeeping that I could think of.

BOSS : Johnson! You’re half an hour late for the board meeting!

JOHNSON : Yes sir, but that’s only 5 milliseconds to God!

Six Thousand Years?

Now, I had a suspicion what the point of this was, so I worked out the math and low and behold, a single day for God works out to just shy of a thousand years for us. That makes the six “days” of Genesis add up to “Less than six-thousand years”. And I thought “Oh, he’s a Young Earth Creationist” trying to somehow make the math work out. But then I remembered that even the most extreme fundamentalist young-earthers believe that there’s thousands of years of human history after the events of Genesis. So maybe the the six thousand years is just a coincidence?

I tried working it the other way, too. Maybe the universe is 6000 years old in God time. What does that work out to in human time? About two billion years. Less than half the age of the Earth (never mind the universe.)

Point is, I can’t make heads or tails of this insanity. But there’s a lot of it! This Kickstarter weighs in at 1800 words of crazy.

CephasMeter_03

Facebook Twitter Reddit Plusone Stumbleupon Pinterest Email

Guy’s do “Lunch”

guys_do_lunch_01
Maybe it’s just me, but when someone is pitching a new dot-com business, I expect a certain level of, let’s call it “internet savvy”. What I do not expect is someone who calls Kickstarter “Kick starter dot com” in the tone of voice you might use when you’re describing some new idea you want your three year old to think about.

I also expect enough technological competence to make sure the camera is level before you start recording. (And maybe turn on a light or something?)

And finally, while I admit I don’t know the first thing about the dating scene for affluent gay men, I would very much not expect the fact that a man has been in a “rock solid” relationship for 18 years to be used to support the idea that he needs a dating service.

But all my expectations were shattered by this cringe-worthy video!

Facebook Twitter Reddit Plusone Stumbleupon Pinterest Email

Don’t throw away your XBox yet.

realPLAY_01

Kyle Walker starts this project by posing an intriguing question. If you were trapped in a box that was impossible to escape from, and time didn’t exist, how long would it take you to get out of the box? Oh wait, did I say intriguing? I meant “moronic and pretentious”.

Three paragraphs in, he decides to talk about the actual project.

A: Real Play is a real world interaction experience with a twist of innovation and technology advances. It is a gaming system that has no competition on the market there is no plausible way for any to duplicate or copy it. its truly a one of a kind idea the push the boundary's of science and human intelligence. Simple enough for a 5 year old to play but a real challenge for the smartest person to build.

So it’s a game console? One so revolutionary that it will change the way we view the world?

 Simple enough for a 5 year old to play but a real challenge for the smartest person to build.
Or possibly it’s just a Rubik’s Cube. Who knows?

Luckily, he provides a link to a demo.

Don’t bother clicking the link. I took one for the team and clicked it for you.
realPLAY_04

It’s movie clips with really easy trivia questions super-imposed over them.
This is his revolutionary new “game system” that is going to change the way we perceive reality itself.

It’s already changed the way I perceive time; I seem to remember this impossible-to-duplicate technology showing up as a bonus feature on a Muppets DVD I owned ten years ago, which is in the past. But somehow, I now understand that Kyle Walker just now invented this technology.

realPLAY_05

No. We already know what risk is. You don’t need to define it for us! Certainly not in a long, rambling, underpunctuated pile of childish text. (Speaking of children, why is it bad if a new born is loved by someone?) You’re supposed to tell us the risks and challenges of your project.

I really would have thought this was obvious, but his mind has clearly been expanded by his revolutionary “Game system” that he can’t understand basic human expectations.

Facebook Twitter Reddit Plusone Stumbleupon Pinterest Email

Where’s my daughter?!?

WHO IS DATING MY DUAGHTER

That’s a photograph of the project creator. I didn’t blur it out; that’s how he uploaded it.

  This Project is to develop an App to monitor who my teenage daughter is dating.The first section will consist of a voluntary section to be filled in by the prospective suitor. It will be simply name, age (not birthdate) GPA, hobbies, does he drive and sports activities.The second part will include reviews form past dates filled out by other parent as to the reliability of the person in question.Things like punctuality, politeness and demonstration of respect.Other things such as tattoos or piercing can also be annotated.This is a dating review site for parents.

This whole thing is so adorable! It’s the perfect portrait of an old man shaking his cane at the world while he tries to work out which buttons to press to make his newfangled computer “do the internet”. I hear apps are big now, right? Maybe an ‘app‘ can make sure his daughter doesn’t hook up with some reprobate miscreant who listens to that “inner city” music and wears his pants too low!

teen_Dating_04
So adorable!

teen_Dating_03
It IS a project!!

Facebook Twitter Reddit Plusone Stumbleupon Pinterest Email

FEAR THE TUNNEL!

The tunnel of fear is a amusement park where film horror becomes a reality and everything can happen.

Ignore the image. That’s blatantly plagiarized from the marketing screenshots for “Metro:Last Light“.

I am going to build "The biggest, scariest tunnel of fear in the whole world" on a big area, where everyone's fears become a reality. My amusement park break the barrier of courage in most brave people. One ride have to take from 25 to 30 minutes. The project foresees about 30 vehicles (one vehicle can hold 6 people).
So he’s going to build a gigantic “Tunnel of Fear”. How gigantic? He doesn’t say, but even if we assume a sedate, non-scary, average speed of 5mph, we wind up with a track-length about the length of the Disneyland monorail.

This project is based in Wales, but it’s clearly from a non-native English speaker. Was it created by the vanishingly small, possibly extinct group of Welsh people who grow up speaking only Welsh? No, turns out it’s from a Germain immigrant.

Now, if there’s one thing Germans are known for it’s, well ok, it’s WW2, but if there’s a second thing Germans are known for, it’s fantastic engineering projects! So how’s the tunnel of fear work? And how will it break my “barrier of courage”, whatever that means?

 In the first 10 minutes there will be 5D technology. In the next steps there will be use the highest technology such as: high quality realistic digital holograms, collapses, the sensation of flying over precipice, and many other which I can't reveal because of uniqueness of this project. I expect general roconstruction once a year, so visiters could look for new experiences every year and it also have to protect my amusement park before routine. According to calculations the annual income have to amount to about £2,000.000.00.      I am also going to build three bars (with fast foods, normal food, drinks, ice - creams, etc.)  in the area of amusement park. Next to the tunnel of fear there will be also a rope park for children from 3 to 12 years, and many other attractions for children.  Annual cost of maintain was calculated for about £180,000.
Ok, some of those things aren’t even real things.


Thanks to reader Beau B. for pointing this out to me!

Facebook Twitter Reddit Plusone Stumbleupon Pinterest Email

Cat Tunes

Music for cats

You’re kidding me, he doesn’t really mean that?

I am an electronic music maker who has been able to put cats into a trance whilst they listen to my music.  I hope to create an album just for cats.

He does mean it. He’s making music for cats. He claims to have worked out mathmatically exactly what sort of music cats like.

(This project has no video, and no sample music, so I guess we’ll just have to take his word for it.)

music4cats_03
Ten bucks for one song? Wow. Cat Music is expensive! Who knew?

See Also :

Doggy Tunes Headphones for Dogs! Doggy Tunes — Headphones for Dogs!

Facebook Twitter Reddit Plusone Stumbleupon Pinterest Email

Review : The Magic Circle

MagicCircle_01
If you knew me, you’d know that the two things I love in life are failed Kickstarters and video games. I never thought those two great loves would ever combine.

Well, Actually, Video games and failed Kickstarters overlap quite a bit, but I never thought they’d overlap in a good way.

The Magic Circle

The Magic Circle is a video game about playing an unfinished video game. Yeah, it’s a little meta. The story is that game designer Ishmael Gilder, who insists on being called “Star Father” is over a decade into development into the game that was to be his masterpiece. So he turns to crowdfunding to get the “finishing” funds for the game, and of course runs out of money before he’s finished.
2015-07-18_00001

He’s forced to release the unfinished game.
2015-07-17_00003

The game itself is a first-person puzzle game. The puzzle mechanic is editing the attributes of the creatures in the world to let you complete the broken, unfinished game. While the puzzle solving is perfectly satisfying, the real joy of the game comes from exploring all the different half-finished aspects of the world, and learning the story. The story of the completely dysfunctional game development team that couldn’t make a game to save itself from bankruptcy.

2015-07-18_00017

Throughout the journey you learn that earlier iterations of the game were radically different than the current one, and a large part of the game’s puzzle involves combining elements from the old versions and the new versions in ways that make the world functional. This is one area where the game really shines technically. Through some techno trickery, they’ve made the “older” parts of the game render as though they were in a game from the mid-90s, but still mesh seamlessly with more modern assets that look like they’re from a modern “indie” game.

2015-07-18_00014

I heartily recommend this game. I know it doesn’t sound fun to play an unfinished game, but don’t worry, this is a finished, well polished game about playing an unfinished game. The puzzle aspects are not too difficult, and there are multiple solutions to every problem. But what makes this game really shine is the story about the tired dev team that has come to hate their boss, and how that story is told through the broken game.

So get this game today on stream, but first check out their fake Kickstarter page. (Oldest updates start at the bottom, not the top.)

Facebook Twitter Reddit Plusone Stumbleupon Pinterest Email

Sexy, Sexy Suitcase

Sexy Suitcase

Sexy suitcase? It … doesn’t look sexy. It just looks old fashioned. Is a naked lady going to jump out of it?

 When you open the Sexy Suitcase, you'll be able to store all of your important documents and bust out some tunes at any given time!
Documents? In a suitcase? I think you’re thinking of a “briefcase”.

I know it sounds like a nitpick, but if you bring an actual suitcase to a business meeting, you will be laughed at. And not in a good way, in a lets-fire-this-person kind of way.

  Imagine working all day in the same boring, dead end job, day in, day out.  Thanks to the Sexy Suitcase, those days are over! Imagine heading off to your next business meeting with all of your important documents and a sweet sound system all in one!   You can take it anywhere and look like a professional raver ;)

None of that makes sense! If, for some reason, you needed to blast tunes at a business meeting, you’d just plug your laptop or iPad into the conference room’s sound system. (The one they use for presentations and video conferences.) If you unfold a suitcase sound system like you’re at some sort of raver tail-gating party you will not have a good meeting.

suitcase_04

They’re not offering the suitcases as rewards mind you. They need $2000 to make just one suitcase. And if you pledge the entire $2000 yourself, they’ll mention your name on a YouTube video. Hooray.

Facebook Twitter Reddit Plusone Stumbleupon Pinterest Email