Cardboard Boxes for Cats

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If I wanted to choose a project to illustrate the negative stereotypes of a middle-class American. I think I would choose this one.

This is a cardboard box, specifically manufactured for cats to sit in.

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You mean the cardboard boxes I got for free that my cat absolutely loves? I should get rid of those and spend $35 (plus shipping) to buy a new cardboard box?

I’d better do it. If people saw my cat sleeping in something that wasn’t manufactured in China specifically for cats to sleep in, people might think I was poor!!!!


This project kindly suggested by reader and commenter Lee Ann Rucker

K-Cups

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Contrary to popular belief, the USA has plenty of landfill space. The real problem with all this disposable stuff is the resources that are used to make it, and of course, the fuel used to ship the waste to the landfill.

And so, Cuppa Earth was born--We began to re-purpose used k-cups and the wet coffee grinds into decorative pots that serve SO MANY positive purposes:
Bah! So you’re going to take some thing, that would have been shipped in bulk to a landfil, and instead you’re going to individually package it, and individually ship it out to customers?!? That is so much worse for the environment!

The resources it takes to make the cups is still consumed, extra resources are consumed to individually package and ship them, and for what? Is the world facing a shortage of tiny, ineffective flowerpots?

No, they’re doing it to “keep them out of landfills”, which 1) Doesn’t need doing. and 2) They’re not actually acomplishing anyway, unless you keep your mini flowerpots for 100,000 years before throwing them away!

Why do I care?

Still, these cups are too convenient to give up
Now these alleged environmentalists can continue to use the worlds’ most wasteful coffee prep method and feel good about it, because they’ve made this counter-productive penance to mother earth.

Bah! Moronic.

They should hook up with the people who make the SkinJay Shower Machine!

Arthur redubbed

 Remember the show Arthur? Yeah me too, so I'm going to do the same thing I do with all things I hold dear, destroy it.

   Arthur Abridged is going to be a dubbed version of the children's show Arthur filled with adult themes and language. Each episode will run roughly five minutes with each episode in the actual TV series being abridged. The reason I am kickstarting this is because I need to buy a high quality microphone so I can provide quality voice acting and pay the people I need to voice act as well. I would do it all myself but, that would simply be boring. If you want to wreck your childhood treasures, fund me. I'll make it happen. Hard.
So basically, he’s going to dub over a children’s show with jokes about the characters fucking each other.

Hilarious.

This will certainly fill a gap in the Internet’s repertoire of entertainment.

Risks and challenges  The only problem I can see is other voice actors beginning the project and not finishing it. Though problematic, the problem would be dealt with as neatly as possible so that it doesn't impact the series too much. For example, someone voicing D.W. would be replaced with a sound-alike if the other actor quit.

Really? That‘s the only thing you can see wrong with this idea?


This project kindly suggested by commenter “Domingo Hernández”

The Liquid Metal

Melt a metal with your hand!
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This man has discovered a metal named “gallium”. Which sounds impressive, but it couldn’t have been all that hard to discover, since gallium has been sitting right there on the periodic table since 1871.

One of the neat things about gallium is that its melting point is about 85°F (30°C). So it melts as easily as butter. It’s also non-toxic so, unlike mercury, it’s safe to play with.

The problem with metals is that they are very expensive, so now i need your help! With your contribution i can buy other metals and study their characteristics and also make amazing experiments.
This is his entire project. He wants to buy a bunch of metals to play with.

I’m sorry, did I say “play with”? I meant “study their characteristics”. This man is clearly a serious scientist.

What do we get?

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All his rewards are for “Lego bricks” made of gallium.

They’re not real, functional legos, though. Partially because they’re made with a novelty ice-cube tray and won’t have holes in the bottom, but mostly because they’re made of gallium! Gallium melts on a warm summer day!

Even if it doesn’t melt in the mail (it will), the whole reason you’d want some gallium is to have fun melting it! So who cares if it comes in lego shape?

Of course, what he’s hoping you won’t realize is that gallium isn’t hard to get. Anyone can just order it from a chemical supply catalog. Or even Amazon.

Be sure to “study its characteristics” and not just play with it!

Electro Wallet

 Electronic wallet with a touch screen and fingerprint scanner designed to protect all contents of the wallet in a highly secure manner.

Reader James K has disovered the most absurd wallet on Kickstarter so far. And that’s no easy feat, because there’s been some pretty absurd wallet kickstarters.

Let’s take a look at what makes this so absurd :

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This battery powered monstrosity has everything you could ever want from a wallet :

                   How does Electro-Wallet work?      Provides both men and women with a fully secured electronic wallet.      Features a fully-digital color touch screen in order to access all components of the wallet.     Electro-Wallet is composed of 100% stainless steel.     Utilizes a thumb fingerprint scanner in order to gain access to up to 20 different cards such as driver’s license, credit cards, and more.     Includes a back compartment to hide and secure various amounts of cash.       Ensures all valuable items carried within the wallet are safe until the user has need of them.     Electro-Wallet has a built-in tracker, which allows for tracking of the device.     E-Wallet has RFID blocking technology that protects against wireless identity theft an RFID skimming.     This Device has a Mobile App which allows for secondary controlling of the wallet.

This isn’t a wallet, this is a electronic safe that you carry around in your pocket!

(Interestingly, it also seems to have some kind of “Doctor Who”-style “bigger on the inside” technology, because the “money storage” area seems to take up almost the entire volume of the device, occupying the same space as the credit card compartment.)

Why?

Electro-Wallet has been a project I have been working on for 3 years now. This is my first time designing something this spectacular.  It all started on new years eve midnight 2011, when my friends and I were robbed and had our wallets taken. The robbery was not the bad part, the worst part was calling and cancelling my debit card and all my credit cards. Then I had to re-order them all which took about 2 weeks to get to me, my identification card took the longest because with an ID your option of doing things are very limited. So I came up with and idea to solve this issue, with E-Wallet all your personal cards and cash are completely safe. Its has a stainless steel body with a LED touchscreen, It has a cash storage compartment located on the back of the wallet. The wallet has fingerprint recognition technology for access to your cards and cash storage. E-Wallet has a built in tracker that tracks your wallet if its ever lost or stolen. Besides being THE FIRST OF ITS KIND E-Wallet has some AMAZING FEATURES that will surely grab your attention.
Even a child could tell you this won’t work. If the bad guy has your wallet, he’ll just put it in a vice until it cracks like an egg, or cut it open, or whatever!

All the fingerprint scanners in the world aren’t going to stop a hacksaw.

I suppose I should take a moment to point out the obvious : This thing is battery powered, and when the battery runs dead, you can’t get your own money out without charging it up again, or the aforementioned hacksaw.

Can he even make this?

The project has been a work is progress from finalizing the drawings to getting the funds.Thanks to the help of some good credit I was able to get a loan and have a company called Invention Home help me build a 3D prototype and Patent my idea that was 8 months ago. I built a presentation with the 3D photos of my wallet and some of my sketches.
You know what he never mentions anywhere in his (very long) project page? Not even on the “parts list”?

A circuit board.

Designing this product would be about as complicated as designing a smartphone, but I think that he thinks that “designing a product” just means “drawing a picture of it”. I don’t think he has the first idea how to make this product’s internals.

I think that he thinks that circuit boards and electronics just sort of “happen” during the manufacturing process. Who knows where they come from!

Rule of Thumb

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Never, ever back a project created by someone who describes themselves as an “Inventor”.

Real inventors describe themselves by their area of expertise. They call themselves “Electrical engineers” or “Metal workers” or whatever. If the best title they can think of is “inventor”, it means they don’t have the first clue what the hell they’re doing.

Dice of Failure

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What is that even a picture of? What is a “bilingual” dice? Are the dots in two languages?!?

Promoting the preservation of culture, and languages world wide through a kickstarter funded hand-eye coordinating communication learning, and memory building game set for classrooms, and homes of people bound to encounter the multicultural scenario.   Karl Smiley: "So; it's like flash cards only one rolls the dice, and the answers are on the other side?"
Are you asking me? Are you asking me what your project is?

 P.S. Pardon, only have a persnickety tablet at my behest for this expression of my work. Compared to a conventional laptop it is fairly consumer oriented. Makes hacking out the details a rough totem pole of the quality prefered to have brought to you for representation;)    I have been singlehandedly moving residences, in the mean time~ cut & paste is not working from Tablet so I'll try and get to a libraries computer kiosk~
Are you joking? You want $160,000 of our money, but you’re already making excuses?

Why would you think that’s acceptable?

It’s not even like there’s a rush. He says later that he’s been trying to get this product to market since 2005. I guess in all that time he couldn’t manage to write a proper pitch, because he didn’t have a laptop!

What do we get

Ok, so even if I believed this person was competent (which I don’t) and even if I understood what this guy is trying to make (which I don’t), I’d still like to get a little reward for my money. So what’s he offering?

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Nothing at all. (And you won’t even get that until December 2016!)


Thanks to reader “jrbkingston” for suggesting this project, and also the title of this post.

Soggy Biscuit

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When this site starts updating again after a haitus, I like to start on a classy note. So here’s a project about jacking off your phone.

Soggy Biscuit would be a drinking game that would involve the shaking of a phone to make it 'climax' as though you were playing the nauseating game..  it would be a game that you play against friends and the last person to 'finish' has to drink.
How lovely. It’s a multi-player drinking game to see who can jack off faster.

For those that don't know what soggy biscuit is, urban dictionary has a great definition.
No thanks, I’ll stick with Wikipedia. Summary : It’s a mostly-fictional British hazing ritual involving competitive wanking, and disgusting forfeits for the loser.

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For backing $20 Australian, You’ll get a bumper sticker that’s probably obscene.

What a deal.

And, we’re back.

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Hey everyone, Sorry about neglecting this site over the holidays, and really sorry about letting it get hacked! (Hope nobody got fired for looking at Russian porn at work!)

Regular updates will resume next week!

(How do you like the new look? I’m not thrilled with it yet, so expect more changes. Suggestions/complaints welcome.)


In the meantime, this is worth a laugh :

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I love how, after he realized this was a really stupid idea and canceled the project, he pretended like it was all a joke.

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Yeah, You’re not fooling anyone.