Shiny Clown Mirrors

"Scary Clown(Not!)Fairground Musical Toy"!.

Here’s a scary clown toy! For some reason it’s in the “Tabletop Games” category. Whatever.

  Innovative, "PATENTED " boys/girls Fun creative fairground toy. Bring's you to all the fun of the fair without the scary clown!

Great! I love the fair! How does it bring the fair home to me?

The video explains it all!

Behold! A uniquely genuine toy designed to beguile, intrigue, and teach children from ages one to six.

Uniquely genuine?

A multi-fun, five-part, learning toy!

Oh boy! Five parts!

Three creative fun fairground distorted mirror. Each giving the child the delight of three new funny reflections.”

Fourth fun, exciting part is the base of the toy! A clown face! Hands! Feet!

Then the wonderful dancing music “Circus Circus” playing all the while the on/off switch is on!

(I’ve never heard of a song called “Circus Circus”. The video features the traditional circus tune “Entrance of the Gladiators“, so that’s probably what they mean.)

So, it’s a fun-house mirror for your regular house

What a wonderful illustration they’ve created of their fun-house mirror! They must be the only people in the world that can’t make a computer rendering shiny!

Anyway, what if, for some reason, I wanted a fun-house mirror that constantly plays circus music? Where could I get one?

  Hello I have invented and designed "Fun Fair Ground Clown" Toy  .I completed all the legal patent design myself rather than pay anything from £2,000/£5,000!I learned it all and was difficult but I believed in this design. I had lost my Promotional business and my home and I am determined to succeed for my son and our rescue "Greyhound" Holly "And two rescue cats "Moses and Eva" .I have also written and published the books  offered as A .reward.I desire to build a "DEMO" and bring it to "Manurfacturers"Above Is Promo Video for PATENTED TOY

Wait a moment! The books offered as a reward?!?

Pledge $3 or more
That’s right! She’s not manufacturing or selling the toy. She needs £25,000 to make one demo unit to try to sell the patent to the toy companies.

(As an aside, why would the toy companies buy this incredibly bland design from her? Couldn’t they design their own funny mirrors if they wanted to?)

All we get for helping her is a copy of one of two books she’s written. She hasn’t even told us the first thing about these books, not even the titles, but if you look at the samples of her writing we’ve seen here from the project page, I think we can guess what kind treat these books would be.

Invisible Umbrella!

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How to make money on Kickstarter!

  1. Take a simple, easy to use product.
  2. Make it electric for no earthly reason.
  3. Profit!

Seriously, why would I want this?

Why would I want an “umbrella” made by blowing air around?

The creators offer this explanation, charmingly translated from the original Chinese.
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Is it loud?

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Another great idea ruined by lousy battery technology

My ordinary umbrella lasts pretty much as long as it needs to. What’s the battery life on these things?

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You can expect to get less than thirty minutes from these crazy contraptions.

Of course, when I say “you” can expect thirty minutes of battery life, I’m speaking only to the men in the audience.

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Gold Coins!

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Gold coins! Well, at least it’s not another Challenge Coin.

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I’m going to be honest with you. This coin design sucks. Even the worst of the Brony coins was better than this!

Trust

Kickstarter is all about trust. Because Kickstarter is not your normal store, it’s vital that as a backer, you trust the person running the project. For something as expensive as gold, you’re going to want a lot of trust!

Project creator Larry Murk hasn’t given us a website, or even a Facebook link, but he has created two projects in the past.

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He made a god damn potato salad project?!?

Wow, this guy sounds like a real winner. Somebody I’d really like to trust with well over a thousand dollars of my money.

What’s it cost?

Speaking of money, how much is he charging for this ugly coin?

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$2,000, That’s a lot of money.

And how much do real gold venders charge?

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I guess the extra $700+ goes to that amazing design that he clearly worked for at least four minutes on?


This article was kindly suggested by reader James K.

What’s a MotiPen?

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Moti Pen! No video, so let’s read the description.

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Ok, I’m interested, but I still want to know more.

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So, you’re not going to tell us, are you?

The picture looks pretty high-tech, but that’s no help, because that’s actually a picture of the “LiveScribe Smart Pen“.

Well, OK. What do I get if I back the project, I get the pen, right?

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Look, I’ve been to Australia, I know they don’t charge that much for postcards.


This post was kindly suggested by reader James K.

Nebulon Prime

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Here’s a new board game! It features a re-configurable board consisting of six triangle-shaped pieces!

… And that’s all I know about it.

…even though I watched the entire video, and read the entire project page.

Well, That’s not quite true. I do know how much it costs :
$250

Oh, wait. That’s just for the board. How much for the whole game?

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This project was helpfully suggested by reader Jez G.

Totally Messed Up

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This was a project to fund the printing of a graphic novel. That’s pretty straight forward. Lot’s of those on Kickstarter.

As is pretty common, this project suffered some serious delays. They were supposed to finish shipping in February 2013, but so far as I can tell they haven’t done it yet.

Pretty soon, a backer started asking the obvious question :
Is shipping almost completed?

Unfortunately, it looks like creator Haru Ruben made the elementary mistake of telling backers what they wanted to hear, instead of the truth.

Whenever someone would ask about the ship date, Haru would say, or at least strongly imply, that it’d be shipping out this week.

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This is a trick that only works once, and Haru Ruben used it constantly.

Backer Brett Trout kept asking, not unreasonably, where the books were and how soon until they were shipped. And pointing out, again not unreasonably, that all of Haru’s statements about release dates were … questionable, at best.

(I want to stress, that backer Brett Trout’s posts were persistent, but polite throughout this entire deal.)

So what does the project creator do?

Banned!
Haha! That’s right he “bans” him from the project. Telling him that instead of a book, he’ll simply get a refund.

So, of course, Brett Trout asks the obvious question :

Where's my money.

And how did the project creator react?

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Like a dick.

Fun With Lawsuits

The comment page is very long, and reads like a journal documenting the artist’s descent into incoherent paranoia.

Eventually, Even though Brett Trout does not appear to have done anything more threatening than ask for either the book he was promised or his money back, artist Haru Ruben decides that Trout is “dangerous” and “mentally ill”.

Why did Haru think Trout was mentally ill?

Because He dressed as Arthur Dent for Halloween.
I’m not even kidding.
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(That link goes here.)

Then, because Trout is a lawyer, Ruben actually files a complaint with the Bar Association!

Lawsuit #1

Since filing a false complaint with the Bar Association is a serious form of Libel, Trout does exactly what you would expect a lawyer to do. He sues.

When you sue someone, it’s normal to hire a “process server”. That’s a person that will find the defendant’s home, and personally deliver the paperwork to them. This prevents them from claiming the papers were “lost in the mail”.

Here’s the hilarious part : Apparently Haru Ruben mistook the process server for some sort of contract killer.
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Lawsuit #2

Believing that he was being pursued by contract killers under the employ of a crazy person with a towel, Haru Ruben decided to take action!
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This move apparently cost him $80,000 and, of course, delayed the project even longer. (But hey, they over waited a year, they can keep waiting!)

So what did Haru Ruben do? He sued back! To the tune of $83,000 of “real damages” plus legal expenses!

One of the pieces of evidence he claims he’s going to present is that he’s found the blogs 100 lawyers who did not dress as Arthur Dent for Halloween! I’m still not joking about that!

Haru is also going to present evidence that Trout’s own book on “Cyber Law” used “disturbing images of sexualized violence.”. By which he means, the cover was a picture of Lady Justice, dressed like Trinity from The Matrix. (It’s actually pretty tame. Lady Justice is often portrayed as having one of her breasts exposed. Justice is sexy.)

Predictably, he’s also going to present evidence that he’s found 100 lawyers who have not published a book on cyber justice featuring Lady Justice dressed as Trinity.

So where are we now?

The last blog update on the project was a year ago. Predictably, backers have been asking for an update.

Don’t worry. He’s promised to post one after the second of October.

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True to form, I’m writing this on the 11th, and still no blog post.

Update : It’s now the 21st. Still no blog post.

Update : It’s now the 28th. Still no blog post.

Update : It’s now November. Still no blog post.

Money Gun

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This guy was going to manufacture and sell money guns!

I’m allowed to sometimes be sad that a Kickfailure, even a completely ridiculous one, is going to be a failure. And this is one of those times.

This would be a been a great worthless project.

What is a money gun, you ask?

That is a money gun!

That is a fun idea. … but like a lot of fun ideas, I can’t actually think of a situation where I’d really need to use it.

The Money Gun is a fully functional device that can be used for promotions or by people who are just looking to add that extra "wow" factor to their outings. You can use it to attract people to your booth at a convention, use it to promote the start of a race, or use it to add an amazing element to a party.

Man, I am clearly going to the wrong conventions, races, and parties.